How can I improve my emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence or the ability to understand and manage our emotions, is an invaluable resource that can make a difference in the quality of our relationships as well as in our personal and professional success.
Throughout the evolution of humanity, emotions have played a crucial role in survival. The ability to perceive and respond to emotions allowed our ancestors to react quickly and effectively to danger by feeling fear for example, or to strengthen social and family bonds through the joy of connection.
Today, emotions remain a crucial system of evolutionary signals, serving as rapid indicators of our experiences and triggering adaptive responses. Knowing how to manage them and turning them into our allies rather than enemies will determine the ability to make positive decisions, the quality of our interpersonal relationships, the ability to be resilient and cope with adversity, our overall health and well-being, as well as our professional performance.
Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, popularized this concept through his book «Emotional Intelligence,» published in 1995. According to Goleman:
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the ability to recognize, influence, and manage the emotions of others in our daily interactions.
Fortunately, emotional intelligence is not a fixed skill; it can be learned and improved over time. It is a key factor for success in life, both personally and professionally, and according to Goleman, it may even be more important than the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) in determining professional performance and overall well-being.
In an increasingly interconnected world, where human relationships play a fundamental role in personal and professional success, cultivating and improving our emotional intelligence becomes an essential task.
In this article, we will explore six practical strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence. We will discover how these skills can positively impact your overall well-being, decision-making, and the quality of your interpersonal relationships.
1. Self-awareness: The Foundation of Emotional Intelligence
Before you can manage your emotions, you need to be aware of them. Take time to reflect on your feelings. Keep an emotional journal to identify patterns and emotional triggers, labeling what you feel in different situations and understanding how your emotions affect your thoughts, behavior, and bodily sensations.
Self-awareness allows you to better understand your emotional reactions and provides you with the ability to manage them more effectively. This practice will help you recognize your automatic reactions and provide a solid foundation for emotional growth.
Self-awareness also involves being present in the current moment. Mindfulness is an effective technique for cultivating this awareness. Dedicate a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness, focusing on your thoughts and emotions without judgment. As you develop self-awareness, you become more capable of recognizing and understanding your own emotions.
2. Emotional Management: Learning to Channel Your Emotions
Once you are aware of your emotions, the next step is to learn to manage them. Practice emotional self-regulation by identifying strategies that help you stay calm in stressful situations. Meditation, conscious breathing, and practicing empathy with yourself are powerful tools for handling your emotions healthily. Establish routines that promote emotional stability in your daily life.
3. Empathy: Connecting with the Emotions of Others
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Cultivating empathy strengthens your social skills and improves your interpersonal relationships. Actively listen to others, be aware of their emotions, and show understanding by paying complete attention to both non-verbal and verbal communication. Try to understand the experiences and perspectives of others without judgment.
This act not only strengthens your connections but also allows you to see the world from diverse perspectives.
Participating in activities that expose you to various experiences and points of view can broaden your empathetic understanding. Reading, volunteering, and engaging in diverse groups allow you to encounter different realities and increase your ability to empathize with a broader range of emotions and experiences.
4. Social Skills: Building Healthy Relationships
Social skills are essential for success in personal and professional life. Develop the ability to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts constructively, and practice assertiveness. Building healthy relationships involves setting clear boundaries, expressing your needs respectfully, and being open to dialogue. Participating in group activities can be an excellent way to practice these skills.
5. Motivation: Driving Personal Growth
Motivation is a key component of emotional intelligence. Reflect on your values and long-term goals. What drives you to get up every morning? By aligning your goals with your fundamental values, you will find a lasting source of motivation. Discover what you are passionate about and set meaningful goals that inspire you and drive you to grow.
The ability to maintain motivation even in challenging times is crucial for overcoming obstacles and achieving long-term success. Stay focused on your goals, even when facing obstacles, and use challenges as opportunities for growth. Remember that the path to achievement may be filled with obstacles, but facing them with determination strengthens your emotional resilience. Celebrate successes, even small ones, and learn from failures.
6. Continuous Development: A Lifelong Commitment
Improving emotional intelligence is not a destination but a continuous journey. Commit to learning and growing over time. Seeking guidance from professionals and reflecting regularly on your emotional experiences are part of the constant commitment to personal development that will help you maintain strong emotional intelligence throughout your life. Each experience, positive or negative, is an opportunity to learn. Reflect on past emotional situations and consider how you could have handled things differently. This constructive self-reflection fuels emotional growth.
In conclusion, emotional intelligence emerges as a fundamental pillar that supports multiple facets of a person’s life, impacting both psychological well-being and success in various areas. From interpersonal relationships to the professional sphere and mental health, the influence of emotional intelligence is omnipresent, outlining the path to a fuller and more satisfying life. The journey to improving emotional intelligence is a valuable process that significantly contributes to personal well-being and healthier relationships. By developing self-awareness, managing emotions, cultivating empathy, improving social skills, maintaining motivation, and committing to continuous development, you are on the path to a more enriching and fulfilling life.
Cultivating this skill not only enriches the life of each individual but also positively contributes to the building of more compassionate communities, collaborative work environments, and resilient societies. Thus, emotional intelligence reveals itself as an essential tool for embracing the complexity of the human experience and moving towards a life full of meaning and connection.
About the author
Verónica Sarria is a health psychologist at Sinews. She is specialized in eating disorders and obesity, working with adolescents and adults. She also treats other problems such as anxiety, depression, grief, self-esteem and interpersonal relationship problems, among others. Her orientation is cognitive behavioral but she integrates tools and techniques from other currents according to the needs of each patient, thanks to her training in mindfulness, mindful eating, attachment theory and systemic (family) therapy.
Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching
Psychologist
Adults and adolescents
Languages: English, French and Spanish
Could my child be developing an eating disorder?
In Spain, around 300,000 adolescents and young adults between the ages of 12 and 24 suffer from some type of eating disorder, according to data from the Spanish Association for the Study of Eating Disorders (AEETCA).
Eating Disorders or EDs are psychological disorders related to alterations in food intake, body image and weight that can affect the physical, psychological, social, and academic/professional spheres of the person who suffers from them.
EDs are complex disorders, so there is no single factor that causes their onset, but rather they are multifactorial in origin, where a variety of genetic, personal and social factors play a role.
The most common eating disorders in adolescents are anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. Anorexia is characterized by a restriction of food intake resulting in considerable weight loss. Bulimia is characterized by a restriction of food intake, with episodes of consuming a large amount of food in a short time, followed by self-induced vomiting. Binge eating disorder is characterized by eating a very large amount of food in a short time with a feeling of loss of control, without subsequently employing methods to compensate for what has been eaten, and is therefore frequently associated with weight gain.
Although eating disorders can appear at any age, adolescence is a period of special vulnerability due to the large number of physical, mental and social changes, so EDs have a higher incidence at this stage of life, especially between 12 and 18 years of age.
Below are some warning signs that can help you identify if your child is suffering from an eating disorder.
Food-related warning signs
- Avoiding family meals.
- Skipping meals or eating small portions.
- Fasting (not eating for a period of time).
- Eating large amounts of food in a short period of time.
- Excessive interest in counting calories, diets, fat grams, and food composition.
- Creating "eating rituals" (e.g., chewing each bite a certain number of times, breaking food into very small pieces, eating very slowly).
- Eliminating entire food groups (e.g., carbohydrates, sweets or fats).
- Disappearance of food at home.
- Control and supervision of food preparation at home.
Warning signs related to weight and physical appearance
- Unjustified weight loss.
- Rapid weight gain.
- Worry or fear of gaining weight.
- Guilt about their weight or after eating.
- Feeling overweight, despite having a normal weight.
- Avoiding going to the beach or swimming pool.
- Hiding your body with oversized or baggy clothing.
Warning signs related to behaviors
- Exercising excessively.
- Feeling intense discomfort if he/she cannot exercise.
- Keeping an accurate record of body weight and calories consumed.
- Going to the bathroom immediately after meals.
- Depressed mood.
- Irritability.
- Social isolation.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Perfectionism.
When to see a specialist
If your child presents any of these symptoms it is important to go to a mental health professional as soon as possible, since an early diagnosis and treatment increases the probabilities of success of the treatment. Your child may only present one of the indicators, but when in doubt it is best to see a specialist to rule out or confirm the presence of an eating disorder.
What the specialist's diagnostic process is like
The evaluation process for an eating disorder includes an initial interview with the patient, as well as with the patient’s parents in the case of children and adolescents. In this interview a detailed clinical history is done to learn about the patient’s developmental history, current symptoms related to eating behavior, the presence of other possible symptoms related to mood and personality as well as the family´s medical and psychiatric background.
Specific psychological tests for eating disorders that evaluate body image, eating behavior and eating habits are also usually performed. It is also important to conduct a physical examination to know the height, weight, body mass index and other medical parameters of the person.
How to talk to my child if I identify any of the warning signs of an eating disorder?
It is important to understand that children and adolescents with an eating disorder have little awareness of the problem and even if they do, they are usually ashamed of it and try to hide or deny it. Here are some tips for addressing the issue with them:
- Find a quiet time and place to have a conversation in a relaxed setting. It can be on a walk alone with your child or during a quiet time on the weekend. Avoid mealtimes or times when other family members are present.
- Express your concerns about changes you have observed in their eating behavior or mood, trying to be as objective and fact based as possible. Focus on expressing your concern for how they feel and their health, and avoid comments related to their weight or appearance.
- Provide accurate and understandable information about eating disorders, their treatment and the importance of getting professional help. You can explain that the psychologist's role is to help them understand what is going on and to help them feel better about themselves, and that what they tell the psychologist is confidential.
- Offer them a safe space to express their concerns, thoughts, emotions, and questions without interruption or judgment. As you listen, ask what you can do to support them and what they need.
- Practice patience and compassion: your child may have initial fear or resistance to seeing a specialist so it is important to be patient during this process as well as consistent. If he/she initially refuses help, do not insist at that time. Allow some time to go by talk to bring it up again and let him or her know that he or she can come to you with any questions or concerns that arise.
Eating disorders are one of the most common psychological disorders in children and adolescents. If your child develops an eating disorder it is important not to blame yourself or feel ashamed, as they are complex mental disorders that arise from a variety of factors.
If you identify one or more of the indicators of eating disorders in your child it is important to see a specialist as soon as possible because early intervention increases the chances of successful treatment. The family plays a key role in both the initial detection of warning signs as well as during the recovery process. Fortunately, eating disorders have a solution. With proper professional guidance and your love, support and patience, your child can overcome an eating disorder.
About the author
Verónica Sarria is a health psychologist at Sinews. She is specialized in eating disorders and obesity, working with adolescents and adults. She also treats other problems such as anxiety, depression, grief, self-esteem and interpersonal relationship problems, among others. Her orientation is cognitive behavioral but she integrates tools and techniques from other currents according to the needs of each patient, thanks to her training in mindfulness, mindful eating, attachment theory and systemic (family) therapy.
Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching
Psychologist
Adults and adolescents
Languages: English, French and Spanish