This is a question many parents frequently ask me. When children are small, things are easier - they tell us everything that has happened to them during the day, they ask us for help, and ask to spend time with us. Teenagers, however, are at a stage when they want their own space. Their opinions differ from ours, and the activities that we suggest doing may seem boring to them.

For this reason, it is important to show interest in their hobbies in order to share time together; this could be following a TV series or watching sports matches together. Another important element is asking them for help because teenagers feel that we are constantly telling them what to do. Therefore, if we ask them for advice, or they explain to us about topics they know more about, they will feel that we are validating their opinions and treating them like the young adults which they are. In the same way, when they tell us about their problems and dilemmas, we should not start by saying "You have to ...", but listen to them, ask them what they have thought about doing, and then suggest alternative courses of action, always validating theirs, of course.

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions.  

We have all had times when our children come home from school, upset because of a disagreement they have had with a friend. Our immediate reaction, once they have told us about the awful things that this friend has said or done, is to want to call that friend’s parents to make sure he/she is told off and doesn’t do it again. But is this really the best thing to do? In many cases, what actually happens is that the other child’s parents feel offended, as if their child was being accused of some kind of bullying, so it ends up being a dispute between the parents rather than the children.