Amor con ojeras

Amor con ojeras

Amor con ojeras

El nacimiento del primer hijo lleva consigo una auténtica revolución en la vida de los padres: es un momento especial, en el cual dos personas de repente se encuentran responsables de una criatura totalmente dependiente de ellos y cuyas prioridades irán por delante de las suyas, modificando completamente buena parte de las costumbres que tenían hasta entonces. Ése es el punto de partida de “Amor con Ojeras”, un divertido libro ilustrado.

Su enfoque, bastante pragmático, es muy claro: con un bebé el tiempo para cuidar la vida de pareja se reduce muchísimo y  por eso  hay que saberlo aprovechar bien. Por ejemplo en el libro se muestra que con tan sólo tres horas a la semana (divididas en pequeños momentos) puede haber un salto de calidad: consejos sencillos (desde enviarse mensajes cariñosos por WhatsApp hasta  escuchar lo que ha hecho el otro durante su día, decir lo positivo e incluso  encontrar un par de horas para una “cita de novios”, en la cual hay que esforzarse en no hablar de lo que ocupa y preocupa a los padres primerizos,es decir el bebé).

Muchos de los consejos que se dan en este libro están relacionados  con la gestión de las expectativas. Si ya en general uno de los mayores enemigos para el buen funcionamiento de cualquier relación de pareja puede ser la gestión de las expectativas, ésto se amplifica enormemente en el posparto, que para muchos padres viene cargado de muchísimas expectativas formadas durante el embarazo que es muy difícil que se lleguen a cumplir.

En el posparto y los meses posteriores además, hay que tomar en cuenta un elemento muy importante, que caracteriza muchas viñetas del libro y con las que se identificará más fácilmente cualquier padre primerizo: el cansancio, fiel compañero de viaje durante muchos meses (o años) para casi cualquier padre y madre.

El cansancio dificulta aún más la vida de pareja si no se sabe gestionar con empatía y sentido común, dejando al lado expectativas demasiado altas. Entendiendo que cuando estáis cansada/o a más no poder simplemente no podéis ser siempre amables, alegres y contentos: es importante no tomárselo de forma personal, recurrir al reproche.

Además es relevante, según indica  autora del libro conseguir cada día, a pesar del cansancio, unos momentos de intimidad y cariño, gracias al cual la vida de pareja, con especial énfasis en la vida sexual, no sólo aguanta sin que incluso puede quedar beneficiada del gran cambio que ha tomado.

Sin duda el cambio, tanto físico como psicológicos que la maternidad y la paternidad provoca en el deseo y en la práctica sexual es otro de los temas más importantes de este libro, y el tono de sus viñetas, una mezcla entre humor explícito, ironía y ternura, cumplen una función muy importante, la de visibilizar un tema que afecta a todos pero del que se habla muy poco o nada en público.

Como psicóloga y terapeuta de pareja, al igual que la autora del libro, Mamen Jímenez, recomiendo este libro por qué mientras que existen miles y miles de publicaciones  enfocadas a ayudar a los nuevos padres a enfrentarse con éxito al hasta entonces desconocido mundo de los bebés y de la crianza, muy poco se habla y aún menos se escribe sobre los cambios en  la relación de pareja tras el nacimiento de un hijo.

En “Amor con ojeras” se dan consejos para que las parejas salgan reforzadas de la aventura que es convertirse en padres y se hace a través de grandes dosis de humor,  divertidas ilustraciones, mostrando tantas situaciones en las cuales todos los padres primerizos se sentirán identificados pero sobre todo ofreciéndoles herramientas para que puedan aprender a cuidar la relación de pareja tras los incontables cambios que conlleva el nacimiento de un hijo.

  • Tapa dura: 156 páginas
  • Editor: Lunwerg Editores
  • Idioma: Español
  • ISBN-10: 8416489688

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
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Living Beyond Your Pain: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Ease Chronic Pain

Living Beyond Your Pain: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Ease Chronic Pain

Living Beyond Your Pain: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Ease Chronic Pain

Book recommendation by Lidia Budziszewska,  Psychologist M.S., Adult and Couples therapist in Sinews MTI, Working in: Zurbano & La Moraleja.

This workbook can be a valuable resource for those who struggle with chronic pain- back pain, neck pain, migraines, fibromialgia and any other chronic condition.

«Chronic pain is like a weed that can take over the landscape of your life if you let it. Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way» – John P. Forsyth

This book brings a new approach to pain, based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), one of the most quickly developing therapies with an experimental evidence.

The novel approach is mostly represented by breaking with conventional notions of pain managment and «feel good » approaches.  Since attempts to avoid it can often cause more harm than good to your body and mind.

But the ACT approach offers a different experience with pain. It teaches how to recognize it as an event that doesn´t have to interfere with your life. By learning how to live with the pain we can limit the way it controls our life. You might ask HOW?

And this worbook covers the ACTION part of the ACT practice, inviting you to set your mind on what´s important for you and start acting even in the presence of pain.

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
Ver su Curriculum

Is Self-Compassion More Important Than Self-Esteem? by Steven Hayes

Is Self-Compassion More Important Than Self-Esteem? by Steven Hayes

Self-esteem for the last 20 years was considered the rock of success in life.  You can´t possibly get ahead in life, unless you believe you are perfectly awesome. And obviously you need to be perfectly awesome to keep believing it. So you end up living in terror of making mistakes, and feeling devastated when you do.  Is this the best way to approach success?

This article by Steven Hayes raises very important questions. Questions such as: How important is self-esteem? How important does our culture belive it to be? Does our performance depend on it as much as we believe? Why could it be problematic to try to raise my self-esteem? What is self- compassion?

Self compassion understood as treating oneself kindly, recognizing one´s struggles as a part of shared human experience and becoming aware of painful thoughts and feelings feels like a right direction.

And since it´s New Years Resolution time, why don´t we pursue what could really make our life better.

Happy New Year!

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd/is-selfcompassion-more-im_b_6316320.html

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
Ver su Curriculum

Psychologist on the inside...

Psychologist on the inside...

Interview with Lidia Budziszewska, Psychologist, questions asked by:
Cathy Smitton, Speech and Language Therapist.

What funny things do people ask you about your profession?

People ask many things, concerning both my professional and private life. The most common are:

•    » Do you always analyze/psychoanalyze anyone you meet? «
•    «Are you sometimes tired of listening to all those people? «
•    «Does a psychologist need a psychologist? «
•    «Do I have to lie down on the coach? «
•    «Can I tell you about my dreams? «

Why do you think people ask those questions?

Our profession is awakening those questions because people are unaware of what we do as professionals, of what to expect from us. A need to categorize and understand reality is one of the most important human needs.  This is exactly how stereotypes are born…

What stereotypes exist about your profession?

I can only guess how many 🙂 Still the most common ones are

•    Counsellors and therapists use too much “psychobabble.”

That´s a common concern, and certainly a very important issue for health professionals who need to be able to clearly explain how the mind, behaviour, or relevant topic works. We learn to use a simple, friendly language in order to be able explain all that to our clients or anyone interested in our profession.

•    We are all-knowing and can provide all the right answers.

That´s another expectation and a hard one to redirect.

It is common to get asked “What should I do?”, “What’s the answer to this problem?”, “What do you suggest?”. It would be nice if someone could tell us exactly what to do in order to feel better or get to the next step in life, but those answers lie within us. The professional helps us find them.

•    We must have perfect lives.

If this one were true,  the therapist wouldn´t be able to understand us, and relate to us. This raises the question of whether the objective of therapeutic intervention is perfection? Or finding a way to enjoy the life we have, making changes in the way we live?

We do have normal lives, perhaps more aware and conscious of our behaviour, but as anyone else, full of mistakes and errors, disappointments, bad and good days.

How do you respond to those stereotypes?

Obviously it depends on who´s asking and in what context.  If it´s a question, a joke between friends, I can just laugh about it with no need to clarify.

But if it´s a client asking and you can sense a more serious concern behind the question, I try to address the issue the best I can.

What would you like people to know about your profession?

That it´s very complex, demanding and hard work but also fascinating, encouraging continuous learning and motivation – as any other job can be, if you feel that what you´re doing makes sense.

Soon find out our Interview with Cathy Smitton, our Language and Speech Therapist

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
Ver su Curriculum

Your Social Life..... Online......

Your Social Life..... Online......

Social Networks have intruded in our life and are here to stay. We can’t deny that there are some positive aspects, however…

Let´s look at this short example…

Kim, a 30-year-old primary school teacher, was the last of her friends to join Instagram. The day she signed up, she followed some 60 accounts—friends and colleagues as well as accounts maintained by celebrities she was interested in. She then started to post photos intensely everyday.

By the end of the month, she was following more than 150 accounts, most of them people she actually knew, but she was only being followed by 15 people…

Obviously celebrities wouldn´t follow her back, but she couldn´t help but wonder why some in her circle of friends hadn´t… «I took it very personally», she told me “Was my life so boring that it was not worth following?» she asked herself or » We weren´t really friends after all»….

And this is where the problem starts…

What´s the answer?

Well, it could have been both… or it could have been neither… Perhaps they didn´t really like her and were trying to convey that…..or thought her life was so boring it made no sense to follow her…

Or maybe it was something much less harmful then what she contemplated… maybe her friends simply don´t take social networks as seriously as she does and would have been surprised to know they´d hurt her. But it was no longer about the intention or cause; Kim was already questioning relationships she´d felt fine with just weeks earlier…

Social media-induced anxiety is happening with increasing frequency. Just as businesses and brands use social media to interact with their target audience and monitor its interests, people are using social media to figure out how their friends and colleagues feel about them.

«Likes» could be signs of approval and not «liking», not following, could translate into disdain. Social media can facilitate a cycle of reward and gain; or conversely a cycle of insecurity. It has changed many aspects of relationships: while following friends living around the world can make you feel more connected to them, making time to meet a friend for coffee seems much more difficult then chatting online.

Social media also triggers feelings of isolation and self-doubt. But this leads back to the root of the problem, that once again we’re dependent on social media for emotional support. Perhaps we´re suddenly getting “unfollowed” or “unfriended” by someone, or we give much more importance to the «likes» and attention that we receive…We could again feel unappreciated and disliked…

That´s why even if you feel irritated when friends respond or comment to a friend but not to you it´s important to remember that social media is pretty shallow…often offering a false feeling of intimacy: one that makes us feel we connect, and we really know how others feel about us.. But isn´t it better to check it offline, grabbing a cup of coffee in real life?

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
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Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong...

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong...

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong...

Book by Kelly Wilson and Troy Dufrene: «Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety»

When you see its title you might say I don´t need a book to tell me this much…Sometimes things fall apart… and even if you plan carefully and strategize you still might be watching for trouble. And nothing you can do would protect you from the fact that things might go terribly, horribly wrong. And if you´ve ever felt anxious about it, you´re not alone. In fact your story might be much more common than you think.

If only you could get rid of all this anxiety, you could get on with your life, right? Well, maybe- or maybe not. Does anxiety necessarily stand in your way to live your life fully, vitally, with richness and purpose.

This book starts as a conversation about why we all sometimes feel anxious and what role that anxiety serves in our lives. It connects the experience of anxiety to the essential experience of human suffering. And then, in sometimes unexpected ways, Things explores some basic ways of being in the world that can change the role anxiety plays in your life.

This book approaches the problem of anxiety differently than most. Instead of trying to overcome and reduce it, it might help you to climb inside these feelings and see what would it be to still feel anxiety but be able to live truly and really- in a way that matters to you.

Why would I recommend this book? I believe it´s a simple and brief introduction to a better understanding of anxiety, our own ambiguity and human suffering. It might help to approach your own anxiety or invite you to approach it with professional help.

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
Ver su Curriculum

Entangled by words

Entangled by words

Do you realize how often you find yourself trapped by words…. Have you ever felt like «It´s not the first time I´m worrying about it…» or «I´ve been thinking about it for ages… and nothing has changed…» That´s what we call «word entanglement» and this is where the metaphor can be a powerful tool to both help illustrate and change it. Metaphors have been used in therapy for ages and in many different approaches.

If you want to understand it better, there’s nothing like reading a popular metaphor by Steven Hayes included in «Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book. An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change» by Steven Hayes, Kirk Stroshal & Kelly Wilson.

«Man in a hole» metaphor: «The situation you are in seems a bit like this. Imagine that you’re placed in a field, wearing a blindfold, and you’re given a little tool bag to carry. You’re told that your job is to run around this field, blindfolded. That is how you are supposed to live life. And so you do what you are told. Now, unbeknownst to you, in this field there are a number of widely spaced, fairly deep holes. You don’t know that at first—you’re naive. So you start running around and sooner or later you fall into a large hole. You feel around, and sure enough, you can’t climb out and there are no escape routes you can find. Probably what you would do in such a predicament is take the tool bag you were given and see what is in there; maybe there is something you can use to get out of the hole. Now suppose that the only tool in the bag is a shovel. So you dutifully start digging, but pretty soon you notice that you’re not out of the hole. So you try digging faster and faster. But you’re still in the hole. So you try big shovelfuls, or little ones, or throwing the dirt far away or not. But still you are in the hole. All this effort and all this work, and oddly enough the hole has just gotten bigger and bigger and bigger. Isn’t that your experience? So you come to see me thinking, “Maybe he has a really huge shovel—a gold-plated steam shovel.” Well, I don’t. And even if I did I wouldn’t use it, because digging is not a way out of the hole—digging is what makes holes. So maybe the whole agenda is hopeless—you can’t dig your way out, that just digs you in».

Realizing that no matter what you do, even if it seems like the best thing to do, the best solution is actually burying you alive and is very powerful and it´s a first step for a change. «How to do that? » you might ask. What is the poor man supposed to do? That is exactly what we learn in a therapy room by using many metaphors and exercises that help us to realize what´s going on, how we react to that and decide whether the tool we used is the right one or not.

Without the help of metaphors we would just get stuck in convincing or giving opinions about your life without realizing the core problem of it- you´re in a hole and burying yourself alive. What if what you need is to stop and then you would be able to ask yourself questions as: by digging am I getting what I want from life? Am I getting closer to things that matter to me? Do I know what these things are? Sometimes we´ve been digging for so long that it feels like we forgot what´s out there. Then we´d be working on clarifying goals and objectives and helping you to choose and continue on a completely new way of approaching it. «It´s hard work» you might say, and I can´t deny that but for what it´s worth- Being able to take care of people and things you love and want in your life is the best prize you can ever win.

Departamento Psicológico, Psicoterapéutico y Coaching
Lidia Budziszewska
Psicóloga
Adultos y parejas
Idiomas de trabajo: Español, inglés y polaco
Ver su Curriculum