A Psychological Analysis of «The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck» by Mark Manson
Mark Manson’s «The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck» is a bold, irreverent take on the self-help genre that has taken the world by storm. Published in 2016, it challenges the notion that happiness can be achieved solely through positive thinking and relentless pursuit of pleasure. Instead, Manson presents a refreshing perspective on life, advocating for embracing pain, suffering, and the inevitability of problems as essential components of personal growth and happiness. In this review, we will explore the psychological insights and drawbacks of this provocative work.
What is Good in the Book from a Psychological Point of View
- Embracing Pain and Suffering: From a psychological standpoint, Manson's emphasis on embracing life's difficulties is a refreshing departure from the prevalent positive thinking culture. Psychologically, this aligns with the concept of "resilience." Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, and studies have shown that individuals who embrace life's challenges and setbacks tend to develop greater resilience. By encouraging readers to confront pain and suffering head-on, Manson promotes a psychologically healthier approach to adversity.
- The Power of Values: Manson's focus on values also holds psychological merit. Psychologists often emphasize the importance of having a clear set of values as a source of motivation and well-being. Living in alignment with one's values contributes to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Manson's idea that happiness and success naturally flow from living according to our values resonates with psychological theories on intrinsic motivation and self-determination.
- Accountability and Ownership: Manson's call for readers to take responsibility for their lives and their reactions to events echoes principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT emphasizes that our thoughts and beliefs influence our emotions and behaviors. By acknowledging our role in shaping our experiences, we can gain greater control over our lives and well-being. Manson's emphasis on personal accountability aligns with CBT's goal of identifying and modifying unhelpful thought patterns.
What is Bad in the Book from a Psychological Point of View
- Oversimplification: One psychological criticism of the book is its tendency to oversimplify complex emotional and mental issues. While Manson's "not giving a f*ck" philosophy can be empowering, it may not be suitable for individuals grappling with severe mental health issues such as clinical depression or anxiety disorders. Such individuals may require more nuanced psychological interventions and support.
- Neglect of Systemic Factors: Manson's approach places significant emphasis on individual responsibility, sometimes overlooking the impact of systemic factors on a person's life. Psychologists recognize that external factors, such as socio-economic conditions, can profoundly affect an individual's mental health and well-being. An exclusive focus on personal responsibility might not adequately address these external influences.
- Limited Psychological Depth: While Manson's "not giving a f*ck" philosophy resonates with many, it doesn't delve deeply into the psychological theories and evidence that underpin it. Readers interested in a comprehensive understanding of the psychological principles behind Manson's ideas might find the book lacking in this regard. A more thorough exploration of the psychological underpinnings could have added depth to his arguments. However, this is information that should be provided by professionals that ensures to use updated and evidence based information.
IHow Can You Learn to Not Give a F*ck
Learning to «not give a f*ck» in the Mansonian sense involves several psychological principles:
- Mindfulness: Manson advocates for being present and fully engaged with life's challenges. Mindfulness, a psychological practice, teaches individuals to observe their thoughts and emotions non-judgmentally. This can help in confronting pain and suffering without getting overwhelmed.
- Values Clarification: Identifying and clarifying your core values, as Manson suggests, aligns with psychological theories on motivation and well-being. Psychologists often use values-based interventions to help individuals lead more fulfilling lives.
- Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques: Manson's call for personal accountability resonates with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Learning CBT techniques can help individuals identify and modify unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to emotional distress.
Some Important Keywords and Their Significance
- Resilience, a psychological concept, refers to an individual's ability to bounce back from adversity. Manson's emphasis on embracing life's difficulties aligns with the idea that facing challenges head-on can foster resilience. Psychologically, developing resilience is crucial for maintaining mental well-being in the face of life's inevitable setbacks.
- Values: The concept of values plays a significant role in both Manson's philosophy and psychological well-being. In psychology, values represent an individual's core beliefs and motivations. Living in alignment with one's values is associated with greater life satisfaction and happiness.
- Accountability: Personal accountability, a key theme in Manson's work, echoes principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT emphasizes that our thoughts and beliefs influence our emotions and behaviors. Taking ownership of our thoughts and reactions is a psychological principle that can lead to personal growth and emotional well-being.
- Confronting victimhood: Learning not to give a f*ck isn't just about adopting a new mindset; it's also about confronting some uncomfortable truths. Manson's direct and unfiltered writing style may feel offensive to some, but it carries an essential message. One of the crucial lessons of 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' is the importance of addressing the mentality of victimhood. Feeling like a victim can be seductive because it often leads to increased attention from the environment and lowered expectations for oneself. It creates a comfortable bubble of safety. Breaking free from this mindset, however, demands taking responsibility for your situation and decisions. Manson's candid approach might not be the gentlest, but it holds a lot of truth. Psychologists would typically approach this topic with more care, but the rawness of Manson's message resonates with many precisely because it forces readers to face the uncomfortable reality of their own agency in life's outcomes.
In conclusion, «The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck» by Mark Manson offers a unique, sometimes controversial perspective on living a meaningful life. From a psychological standpoint, the book encourages valuable concepts like embracing adversity, clarifying values, and taking personal responsibility. However, it also raises concerns about oversimplification and the neglect of systemic factors. Learning to «not give a f*ck» requires a nuanced understanding of when and how to apply Manson’s philosophy alongside established psychological principles.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Pillars of Learning: The Importance of the Learning Environment
How time flies! It seems like only yesterday we were enjoying a dip in the sea with our children and, in the blink of an eye, a new academic year has just started.
First exams will begin in a few weeks and now more than ever we realize how important is to have a study environment that facilitates the learning process. Therefore, throughout the following article, the team of professionals that make up our academic support service, will explain the conditions that a learning environment must meet to ensure a better academic performance.
Before getting down to the business, we need to answer the following question:
Which are the basic pillars that will lead to a successful learning process?
- Organisation.
- Time management.
- Appropriate learning environment.
Let us look at each of them:
Organisation
“External order facilitates internal order”. In other words, when we work in an organised and free of distractions environment, it is easier to focus on the task at hand and to organise our ideas.
Thus, we recommend that, before starting homework or studying a subject, students clean and tidy their room, especially the desk. Having an uncluttered desk and the school supplies available will help them to maintain the concentration for longer periods of time.
If they don’t have all the supplies they need ready, they will constantly have to get up from the chair, thus impairing their sustained attention span and making it difficult to focus on the task.
In addition to these very basic levels of organisation, it is important that they develop increasingly sophisticated skills as they grow up. By “sophisticated” we mean that they require a more advanced level of development of the executive functions. Let us see some examples:
- To organise their notes by category, they need to make use of folders, dividers, plastic sleeves, etc.
- To organise their weekly timetable, they will need to make use of the diary.
- To mentally order the contents of each topic, they will need to learn how to make summaries, diagrams and mind maps.
Time Management
Many children find it difficult to estimate the time required to complete their homework, projects and study a subject. The truth is that, actually, it is an essential skill that is often not given the importance it deserves.
Learning to manage their time better will help them to:
- Turn in assignments on time.
- Increase their autonomy.
- Reduce their stress levels.
- Maintain their achievements.
In fact, more and more schools are taking the initiative of giving each pupil a school diary at the beginning of a new academic year, as well as a school calendar showing the dates of exams and projects that are due. This is a great way to help develop time awareness and anticipation.
Appropriate Learning Environment
Many of you probably remember being scolded by your parents for having a messy bedroom or doing homework with the television on. At the time, we probably did not understand why such details were so important. Now, as adults and parents of our own children, we fully understand their motives.
Nonetheless, there is no need to go back to that time. We can name thousands of examples from daily live in which the work or learning environment plays an essential role in our performance.
For instance, let us think about the reception desk of the company where we work or the library in our neighbourhood. Everything is neatly arranged, each form has its own drawer, each document is stored in a particular folder. All these places share a common feature: they meet some requirements that help to increase concentration, efficiency and thus, favour productivity.
When an environment does not meet these ideal features we, as adults, have a developed ability to constantly redirect the attentional focus to the task, inhibiting irrelevant stimuli. However, children’s brain, which are still developing, have more difficulty in self-regulating, which is why it is so important that external order exists.
What requirements need to meet a suitable learning environment?
- It should always be the same and, if possible, exclusively for him/her. Setting aside a physical space exclusively for studying helps to acquire the habit and improve concentration, because the brain makes this association between place and activity, facilitating orientation to the task.
- Always the same timetable. Having a pre-set study time will help them to create a habit and develop those time management skills we mentioned earlier.
- It must be well lit. Ideally, study in natural light, but when artificial light is necessary, a lamp with a blue bulb of no less than 60 watts is recommended.
- Suitable furniture and supplies. They should have a large desk and a comfortable chair that favours a proper posture. In addition, before starting, all the supplies that are going to be needed should be on the table. In this way, they avoid constantly getting up from the seat and losing the concentration.
- Reduced environmental stimulation. The place chosen should be the one where there is not usually a lot of noise. For example, if the living room is very bright but overlooks a main street with heavy traffic, will not be the right place. On the other hand, if their bedroom has less light but is quieter, we will choose it first.
- Well ventilated and at the right temperature. It is advisable for the study place to have a window to be able to renew the quality of the air every now and then, as well as to maintain a stable temperature of between 20ºC and 22ºC approximately.
Last but not least, we do not want to end this article without mentioning the use of electronic devices. Nowadays more and more schools have adopted what is known as “e-learning”. That is, the use of the internet and electronic devices as a teaching-learning tool, where teachers create a virtual space where they can share documents, assign homework and solve their student’s doubts, without the need to schedule a face-to-face tutorial.
While it is true that this tool is very practical and motivating for pupils, we must take into account the overuse of electronic devices nowadays and the increasing risk of addiction that they entail. We therefore recommend that, at least during study hours at home, access to mobile phones, tablets and other devices should be restricted, except when absolutely necessary.
We at Sinews hope that reading this article has been useful and we encourage you to put all these tips into practice to ensure better academic performance.
Finally, we would like to remind you that, for those students who find it difficult to keep up with the academic pace, our academic support service professionals will be glad to help them in everything they need.
About the author
Alba is a neuropsychologist and coordinator of specialized support services in psychoeducational and speech therapy in schools and homes. When families get in touch with Sinews requesting any of these services, Alba conducts an initial assessment interview to thoroughly understand the situation and assign the most suitable professional for each case. Furthermore, she maintains constant communication with schools, families, and professionals to ensure that progress is favorable and that the set objectives are being achieved. She also oversees the integration of new professionals into a constantly expanding team.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Film Review: “Stutz”, an homage to therapeutic alliance, humanity and vulnerability
A few months ago, navigating through streaming platforms for a movie to keep me company at dinner, I stumbled upon one of the most extraordinary and exciting content on the platform [Netflix]: Stutz (2022).
Stutz is a 2022 Netflix documentary written and directed by Hollywood actor Jonah Hill, starring himself and his psychiatrist and therapist, Phil Stutz.
If the name Jonah Hill rings a bell, it’s probably because he’s starred in some very world-wide known movies, such as “The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)”, “Superbad (2007)” and “The Hangover (2009)”, amongst others. Phil Stutz, on the other hand, less popular in the television scene, is an American psychiatrist and psychotherapist, author of the book “The Tools (2012)”.
Now you maybe wondering what these two have in common and why have they participated in a film-documentary together… Phil Stutz is Jonah Hill’s psychiatrist, he has been for years, and the film is the patient’s homage to his therapist.
In the documentary, Jonah Hill invites us to witness an insightful journey into the mind of his therapist Phil Stutz. At first we thought that the one who would lay his life bare would be the actor himself, but at a certain moment we realized his true purpose. «I’m making a movie about you, not about me.» Jonah will not only focus on his own problems, but almost all the attention is focused on his psychiatrist, Stutz.
What happens when the client-therapist roles are reversed?
On the one hand, Stutz seems to be making a professionally risky move. In psychotherapy, in fact, deontology restricts and discourages the therapist from sharing his or her private life and details about his or her mental health with the patient, since the protagonist of therapy is the client and not the therapist. Despite this, we know that the quality of the therapeutic alliance, which is fundamental to the success of therapy itself, also feeds on the therapist’s ability to show himself or herself as human. Stutz gives us a chance to reflect on the fact that therapists are not «super humans» who have it all figured out, but vulnerable human beings made of insecurities and frailties, like everyone else.
This is why Stutz must be watched, because it highlights certain qualities of the therapeutic alliance between client and therapist; the great act of trust of surrendering one’s life into the hands of one’s therapist in what the patient perceives to be a safe place where they can feel comfortable, heard and understood.
The documentary is hence an ode to friendship and goodness, but it is also an example of psychological innovation, in which the psychiatrist is suddenly transformed into the patient. Jonah Hill does more than pay tribute to his psychiatrist. They both invite us into a brave and honest conversation about mental health, vulnerability, and human flaws. These are two men united by a strong emotional bond, in which, suddenly, it is the therapist himself who becomes the patient, revealing his inner labyrinths…
“The driving force in this whole thing [the movie], to me, is your vulnerability. No question about it. If we’re true to that idea and you’re forthcoming with it, we really can’t go wrong. The thing is, if you wanna move forward you can’t move forward without being vulnerable.” (Stutz, 2022)
Phil Stutz: Fighting the mental-health stigma
Phil Stutz is the American psychiatrist who has developed one of the most innovative techniques for optimizing human potential. In his long professional career, he has helped thousands of writers, artists, producers and CEOs deal with their insecurities, traumas and problems.
Phil Stutz is known for his book The Method: the tools that will activate your inner strength to change your life (2012), co-written with therapist Barry Michels. In this work they provide an innovative therapeutic approach based on the tools, mechanisms, and resources we can all develop by activating our «higher forces» to solve problems, (I will not make any spoilers, watch the documentary and find out what “the tools” are!).
Why is Stutz’ testimony so important in fighting the stigma?
Because Phil Stutz has Parkinson. We notice him immediately when he picks up one of his famous cards to illustrate his tools. His stroke is shaky and he can barely pull off that technique that has accompanied him throughout his professional life.
The documentary offers a moving reflection on the unstoppable advance of his illness, hinting at his issues with anxiety, insecurity, emptiness, eating disorders and the death of Stutz’s younger brother.
Hill and Stutz talk about mental health through honesty, vulnerability and love. If we need to talk more about psychological problems, it is to eliminate stigma. We need collective testimonies to understand that everyone will experience these things at some point.
Thanks to Jonah Hill, we don’t just see another Hollywood star revealing his problems, but he brings us a psychiatrist capable of sharing tools while revealing his own problems, sadnesses, and vulnerabilities. Because not even those who have the knowledge to pull us out of our black holes are immune to life’s suffering.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Why is it good to be bored?
In today’s society, boredom is mainly seen as something negative that we should absolutely avoid. However, psychology teaches us that boredom can be beneficial to our mental health and overall well-being. While it may seem counterintuitive, experiencing moments of boredom can be a valuable experience that stimulates creativity, reflection and personal growth. In this article, we examine the psychological benefits of boredom and how we can use it in our daily lives.
Some of the benefits we will explain below that can be gained from boredom are as follows:
- Stimulate creativity
- Encourage self-reflection
- Stimulate attention and concentration
- Stimulus for emotional resilience
- Opportunity for spontaneity and intuition
Stimulate creativity
Boredom can act as a catalyst for creativity. When we are bored, our minds seek new forms of entertainment and stimulation. This process encourages us to explore ideas, thoughts and actions that we don’t normally consider. Moments like these allow our imagination to flourish, enabling us to find innovative solutions to problems, explore new interests and find new forms of artistic expression. Boredom provides us with an empty mental space in which to connect seemingly unconnected ideas, encouraging the emergence of original and creative ideas.
Scientific studies confirm the connection between boredom and creativity. A study published in the journal Psychological Science found that people in a state of moderate boredom were more likely to generate creative ideas than people in a more neutral emotional state. Another study from the University of California showed that when people are bored, their brain activity shifts to neural networks associated with idea generation and creativity.
Encourage self-reflection
When we are bored, we have time to reflect on our lives and our inner selves. Boredom gives us the opportunity to disconnect from external distractions and connect with our thoughts, feelings and personal goals. By taking time to think, we can evaluate our decisions, identify opportunities for improvement and develop a deeper sense of ourselves. Such self-reflection can be especially valuable in a rapidly changing world, where we are often caught up in routine and superficiality.
Reflection and self-reflection are essential processes for our personal growth and development. By allowing ourselves moments of boredom, we give our mind the space it needs to explore our past experiences, our actions and our future goals. Self-analysis helps us to better understand who we are, what we want and what changes we can make in our lives to achieve greater happiness and well-being.
Stimulate attention and concentration
When we find ourselves in boring situations, we often need to look for entertainment or a task that catches our attention. This need to find a stimulus can improve our ability to concentrate and focus. When we develop the ability to stay focused on a task or activity despite boredom, we can improve our ability to stay focused in other areas of our lives, which is beneficial both at work and at school.
Boredom can serve as an exercise for our attention and concentration. When we have no external stimuli to keep us occupied, we need to learn to concentrate on our own minds and current tasks. By practising this skill, we strengthen our ability to concentrate in other situations and increase our productivity.
Encouragement for Emotional Resilience
Boredom can be uncomfortable and provoke negative emotions such as frustration or impatience. However, by learning to tolerate and accept boredom, we can develop our emotional resilience. We learn to manage discomfort and not constantly rely on instant gratification. As a result, we become better able to cope with stress, anxiety and other difficult emotions in daily life.
Boredom can be fertile ground for developing coping skills and emotional resilience. When we are in a state of boredom, we are faced with an uncomfortable and uncomfortable situation. By learning to tolerate and accept this discomfort, we develop the ability to cope with difficult situations in other aspects of our lives. When we develop emotional resilience, we are less likely to constantly seek external stimuli to avoid boredom, and we will be more able to find and accept the discomfort we are experiencing in other areas of our lives.
When we develop emotional resilience, we are less likely to constantly seek external stimuli to avoid boredom, and more able to find satisfaction and fulfilment in seemingly mundane moments.
Opportunity for spontaneity and intuition
When we are bored, we are open to the possibility of new experiences and unexpected encounters. By allowing ourselves boring moments, we create space for spontaneity and intuition in our lives. We can discover hidden interests, have meaningful conversations with people we might not otherwise meet, and enjoy simple, unpretentious activities.
Boredom allows us to step out of our comfort zone and be more open to the possibilities life has to offer. When we are not constantly busy, we have more freedom to pursue our curiosity and interests. Openness to spontaneity and intuition can lead to an enriching experience and the creation of deeper human connections.
In conclusion, we can say that boredom is not a negative thing, but can be a valuable opportunity for personal growth and emotional well-being. By embracing boredom and seeing it as an opportunity for creativity, reflection and intuition, we can discover new perspectives and experiences in our lives. Instead of being afraid of boredom, let us use it as a powerful tool for our psychological and emotional development. By allowing ourselves moments of boredom, we develop our creativity, reflection, focus, emotional resilience and capacity to enjoy the surprises life brings us.
About the author
Lucía Ongil is a General Health Psychologist. She has experience in dealing with patients with diverse pathologies from an integrative approach. She is specialised in EMDR therapy which helps mher deal with a large number of disorders that are seen in the clinic, and although she sees adults and children and young people, her speciality is children and young people.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
After the break-up, the romantic grief: what awaits me and how can I deal with it?
“…What does not recall her? I cannot look down to this floor, but her features are shaped on the flags! In every cloud, in every tree—filling the air at night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day, I am surrounded with her image! The most ordinary faces of men and women—my own features—mock me with a resemblance. The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her!».
It is not easy to follow Emily Bronte’s Heathcliff through Wuthering Heights and feel his humiliation, the contempt he is subjected to, the hostility he develops and above all his despair at the abandonment of his Cathy: “I have to remind myself to breathe – almost to remind my heart to beat“.
Maybe you recognise yourself in Heathcliff’s words: have you been dumped and everything reminds you of your ex? Does grief hit you so hard that it’s sometimes hard to breathe? Do you feel like Bill Withers couldn’t have been more right when he sang «Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone»? Read on because today we discuss romantic grief.
What is romantic grief?
We have all experienced the death of a person at some point: perhaps we have lost a family member or loved one or we have been close to someone who has had to say their last goodbye. This is when the grieving process begins, generally understood as ways of reacting to the loss of a link to something or someone dear to us. This process tinged with pain, desolation, sadness, incomprehension, anger, sometimes guilt, is inevitable, but it has a purpose: the adaptation of the person to the new situation.
Grief is also present when there is a break-up: there may come a time when when the bond that we shared with the other person has changed so much that we are unable to recognize it and the relationship comes to an end. Perhaps the first question that comes to mind is… why? Love may have ended, problems have stifled the relationship or a million other reasons could answer this question. What is certain is that the process of mourning begins.
Romantic grief can be understood as a person’s emotional reaction to the end of a relationship. There are certain differences compared to the mourning experience following the death of someone important to you:
- We have not completely lost the person, only certain bonds we had to them. It is even quite possible that our ex-partner gets on with their life in an environment that is close to us and accessible therefore our relationship will have to be redefined if we are to coexist.
- We have the feeling that the break-up is reversible and it is therefore possible to get our partner back, even if this is an unlikely option.
- Two people who may have very different perspectives on the relationship are going through grief at different paces and understanding each other is often difficult, despite being in a similar process.
We have settled this: when a relationship with a person with whom we had important bonds ends, romantic grief is something natural and inevitable, but… What happens next? What do I have to face? I’m going to give you a little spoiler in case it helps in the midst of so much uncertainty: it may not be an easy process, but human beings are intelligent and going through the different emotions of a romantic grief will help us to readjust our role in our environment, to adapt to the new situation and, in short, to overcome the sentimental break-up.
We’re talking about big changes, so knowing the different emotions that can arise can help us in our initial unease:
- Denial: Sometimes we saw it coming and sometimes we did not, but one day our partner tells us that despite all the good times and all the things we have experienced together, he or she wants to put an end to our relationship. Sadness, pain and incomprehension overwhelm us. As we gradually come to terms with what has happened, we are overcome with anguish and disbelief. We long to get our partner back and we try to find explanations that make sense of what is happening to us.
- Anger: The pain of loss is growing, so much so that it is discouraging. There are many changes in a very short time: we turn over in bed and we no longer have the warmth of our partner, WhatsApp messages have diminished and are now terse and cold or simply non- existent, we may have to rearrange our holiday plans because there are no longer two of us. And anger hits. Anger kidnaps all of our energy and uses it to challenge the changes that we are forced to undergo. The decisions we make under the command of anger are often very erratic: we let ourselves be carried away by impulsivity and try to get the attention of our ex or we may even be overcome by euphoria, trying to forget and turn the page as if the break-up was not something that really affected us. In both cases, we focus on the present, evading the pain, and we find it very difficult to consider the consequences of our actions.
- Hopelessness: The idea of reconciling with our partner seems less likely at this point. The frustration and pain resulting from the loss we have suffered awaken an intense sadness that activates very pessimistic thoughts, crying, tiredness, loss of interest in the activities that used to make us feel good...etc. As a result of this state of mind, we tend to devalue ourselves and feel we are responsible for the break-up. It is, therefore, common to review our past behaviors and focus on what we should have done differently. This is the time when guilt usually sets in. Depending on the circumstances of the break-up, guilt can at this point be completely shifted onto the other person, leading to feelings of resentment, revenge and even hatred. While it is important to allow ourselves to grieve for a major loss, it is important not to let sadness completely bury us and stop our grieving process.
- Acceptance: When we reach this stage, we regain something that was taken away from us the day our partner left: joy. At this moment, we are able to positively value both what we are living in the present moment and our future. In romantic grief, it is possible to reach this phase without having gone through previous emotions for different reasons: because another romantic relationship begins and it disrupts the emotions described above, because the relationship is reviewed and restarted, because the person has personal resources that allow them to move on quickly... At this point, it is possible that certain fears and insecurities are developed as a result of the break-up and although fear is inherent to our human condition, we should not let it take control of our existence.
Why does it hurt so much?
In addition to all the emotions that we have described above, which are not always pleasant, we have to take into account other important factors in romantic grief:
Attachment
We can imagine attachment as a set of bonds that unite us to our partner. We will have a bond for sexuality, another for expectations, another for responsibilities… When our relationship ends, some of these bonds are cut at that very moment, such as the one where it is written «we are together», but many others continue to unite us, such as the bond of affection. When distance is put in between, some bonds still remain and the knots are tightened to the point where they choke the soul.
The negative representation of our ex-partner
We are therefore still attached to a person for whom we still have a positive representation that we have formed throughout our relationship but for whom we may also be building a negative representation as a result of the suffering caused by the break-up. We thus find ourselves in an absurd situation that does not help us to overcome our romantic grief.
The interpretation of the break-up
We tend to look for a coherent explanation that allows us to reorganize the chaos in which we are immersed. The problem is that this involves being aware that we have undressed ourselves (beyond the literal sense) in front of a person who has abandoned us, remembering the bad things we went through and the good things we no longer have. Throughout this process we are constantly confronted with the pain of loss and it can become absorbing.
Self-concept
It is someone’s self-image. As the relationship progresses, we often merge our self-concept with that of our partner. When the break-up disrupts our rhythm of life, we have to move from the «we» to the «I», which had been relegated to the background. This process involves feelings of helplessness, emptiness or confusion that accompany the feeling that there is something wrong with that self, which is why we have been left. Our self-concept must therefore be redefined at a time when our self-esteem is weakened, complicating our decision-making, task planning or ability to act.
What can I do to manage my romantic grief?
In order to overcome romantic grief and thus readjust our role in our new reality, it is recommended:
- To give the right place to what we feel: repressing emotions will not make us feel better, on the contrary, we may explode more easily, find ourselves in a lower mood, feel more stressed and in the end we will spend a lot of energy for nothing. Let's respect our rhythm and go through the different emotions without fear.
- No contact with the ex-partner: this is sometimes difficult, especially when we have children together, but contact can make romantic grief even more complicated, especially when it is followed by endless loops of self-questioning, detailed analyses of encounters that lead to nothing, or associations with concepts such as "failure" or "abandonment".
- To reflect on the opportunities for change and personal growth that arise in this new journey: romantic grief does not have to be an aversive process. On the contrary, it is a very good opportunity to explore our needs and capacities and to decide how we want to progress from this moment onwards. Remember that with every lost opportunity, a new horizon of possibilities opens up.
- To resume the activities that made us feel good and that we put aside because we didn't have enough time: It may be a good time to increase the frequency of these activities, taking advantage of the free time that the break-up has left us.
Although we have mentioned that the aim of romantic grief is to adapt to the new situation, in some cases, it is not adaptive and we may feel that the emotional discomfort after the break-up is too intense. In this case, the best recommendation is to see a professional who can help you cope with your experience.
About the author
Ana López is a health psychologist at Sinews and consults in Spanish, English and French. She specializes in childhood and adolescence but also treats adults in grief processes, with problems of self-esteem, anxiety, stress or depression among others. She works from a contextual approach that adapts to the demands of each patient. For her it is essential that they find a warm space in the consultation where they do not feel judged and can identify the direction they want to take in their lives.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Common English Pronunciation Mistakes in Spanish Speakers
As someone who has been teaching English to native Spanish speakers for several years now, my ear has been particularly exposed to the influence Spanish pronunciation can sometimes have on English pronunciation. I have been able to pick up on some of the sounds I often hear my students mistaking. It’s normal, English can be confusing. There’s a lot of rules, and so many exceptions, it can be a bit overwhelming when trying to learn it. There are some key differences between English and Spanish that make it even trickier. Spanish is a phonetic language, so oftentimes what you see on paper is exactly what you’ll hear being said. Unfortunately, English doesn’t work that way, most of the time the spelling and pronunciation don’t match. So naturally, Spanish speakers use their own words and phonetic rules as a crutch, and often times end up pronouncing the English word as if it were a Spanish word.
Accents and Pronunciation
Accents can be charming, it says a bit about someone’s story, it can tell you where a person is from and where they have been. You hear these things in someone’s voice and the way they piece words together. Although, certain pronunciation mistakes can change the meaning that the messenger is trying to convey, that can sometimes get someone into trouble. If you’re someone communicating in a language that isn’t your native or dominant tongue, your goal is to be an effective communicator in that language. It’s difficult when you’re making mistakes that don’t allow you to get your point across.
Why are accents difficult?
It’s normal to make pronounciation mistakes when speaking a language other than your native one, you’re making sounds you don’t normally make and sometimes having to change the structure of the way you would normally say things. Each language has it’s own set of rules and it’s rhythm, so depending on the similarities of two languages will determine the level of difficulty for pronunciation. When learning a language at school, pronunciation is often not properly taught. A lot of time is dedicated to vocabulary and grammar, and pronunciation often gets very little attention. Exposure to the verbal language is very important, you have to be able to listen and identify the sounds of a language before you can produce them. Pronunciation is a skill, it’s not knowledge, you have to practice a lot before you can actually master it.
How can working on my accent be beneficial?
Working on your accent does not only help you be better understood, it also helps you better understand. Sometimes you don’t realize you are making certain pronunciation mistakes, and that’s probably because you can’t identify those difficult sounds when you are being spoken to.
Working on your accent can help:
- You sound clearer.
- Increase understating.
- Make you sound more natural.
- Make you sound more intelligible.
- Make you feel more confident.
What are some difficult sounds for Spanish speakers?
Consonants:
Consonant clusters are commonly seen in English. It is a group of consonant sounds with no vowel sounds between them. For example, like in the words splash, spoon, breakfast and worked. Depending on the placement of the consonant cluster and the combination of consonants can make pronouncing consonant clusters tricky for Spanish speakers.
- Several words begin with the s sound in Spanish, such as in solo, sala, sentir, but when the s sound is followed by a consonant such as in Spain, school and stay they might often add a vowel sound at the beginning and are pronounced as espain, eschool, and estay.
- Consonant clusters are sometimes seen at the beginning and the middle of a word such as in fresa, espuma, and hombre, but not at the end. Therefore, when consonant clusters are seen at the end of the word in English, such as in must, wind, and help, they might often cut off one of the final sounds and pronounce it as mus, win and hel.
Substituting the z sound for the s sound
This goes back to when I mentioned Spanish is a phonetic language. There are many words in English that are spelled using the letter s but end up making the z sound such as cousin, has, and season. These words should be pronounced like cuzin, haz, and seazon, but since there is no z sound in Spanish, Spanish speakers end up pronouncing the words as they are written.
Substituting the v sound for the b sound
English makes a clear distinction in the way v and the b sounds are pronounced. You can hear this in words such as very and berry, and in vote and boat. In Spanish the v and b sound exactly the same, like in basta and vasta and in haber and a ver, the spelling is different but the pronunciation is the same. Spanish speakers tend to follow this same phonetic rule when they are speaking English.
The H sound
The letter h at the beginning of a word is silent in Spanish, for example in the words hora, huevos, and hermana. You can not hear it at all, so words in English that start with an h like in house are often pronounced with a j like in julio. Words like happy, hello and how, are often pronounced like jappy, jello, jow.
The th sound
In English the th can be pronounced in two ways like in than (voiced) and in think (voiceless). The voiceless th can be heard in some parts of Spain, but you won’t hear this sound in all Spanish speaking countries.
- The voiced th like in words than, they and these will adopt the d, and sound like dan, day, and dis.
- The voiceless th like in words think, thunder and thorn will adopt the t, and sound like tink, tunder, and torn.
Vowels
There is the same amount of vowel letters in English and in Spanish, but there are a lot more vowel sounds in English than there are in Spanish. English and Spanish do not share any vowel sounds, which explains why a lot of Spanish speakers have a difficult time hearing and pronouncing the difference in some words, for example like in sheep and ship. Spanish doesn’t distinguish the vowels through length, they are all short. You can hear this in words like peso and piso, and in hambre and hombre, the vowel sound changes but the length stays the same. In English you have some short vowel sounds and some long ones, you can hear the differences in the words hide (long), and hid (short) and in pool (long), and pull (short) the vowel sound and the length both changes.
These are a few of the most common pronunciation mistakes I often hear in Spanish speakers. That’s not to say that these are difficult sounds for everyone. It’s important to remember that having an accent is not a bad thing, but you might also want to work on you pronunciation to help you become a more effective communicator, and feel more confident when speaking. Pronunciation takes a lot of practice and exposure, and can be difficult when working on it alone. With lots of dedication and training you can change the way you sound and improve your intelligibility.
About the author
Jarrisvette, is from South, Texas in the United States. She worked as a Speech language Pathologist Assistant in Brownsville, Texas and then moved to Spain to pursue a Masters in Bilingual and Multicultural Education at la Universidad de Alcala in Alcala de Henares. She has been living in Spain for 4 years and working as an English Language assistant with a variety of ages within the school system. She is currently working as a Speech therapist at Sinews and is excited to be a part of the team.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Is your child ready to speak?
Jarrisvette Villarreal, is from South, Texas in the United States. She worked as a Speech language Pathologist Assistant in Brownsville, Texas and then moved to Spain to pursue a Masters in Bilingual and Multicultural Education at la Universidad de Alcala in Alcala de Henares. She has been living in Span for 4 years and working as an English Language assistant with a variety of ages within the school system. She is currently working as a Speech therapist at Sinews and is excited to be a part of the team.
Do you notice that your little one is not yet speaking? Are you asking yourself why? Have you done a lot of research on how to promote talking, but can’t quite make it happen? Maybe we should take a step back, and ask ourselves if they are ready to talk? Have they acquired the pre-language skills that set the foundation for words?
As babies grow, their abilities change. Babies are like sponges; they absorb so much during their first years of life. They go from newborns who mostly sleep to walking, talking toddlers. This doesn’t happen overnight; there is a lot that happens in between these two phases, called “baby steps.” Little by little, they are going through minor changes every day and learning how to become these walking, talking toddlers. We always celebrate the big changes, like them producing their first word or taking their first steps. It’s incredible to witness the little ones learning and growing, but it’s easy to overlook the minor changes. These minor changes are what lead to their walking and talking, they are the skills that build the foundation for words and steps to happen.
We know that each baby is different and develops at their own pace, so maybe not every single one of them will hit that milestone mark at the, “said age.” However, there are still certain skills that a baby should acquire before they reach that milestone. Some children might need some extra help and guidance to gain these skills.
Pre-language skills
Pre-language skills are prerequisites for speech and language. They are a set of skills that should develop alongside one another in both normal developing children and children with language disorders. These skills might not show up in the same order in every toddler, but they will show up before language emerges. These skills are what children use to communicate before they are able to form words. Pre-language skills must be consistently present, and stable in order for the child to be ready to talk.
How will I know if my child is ready to talk?
Lucky for us, Laura Mize, Speech Language Pathologist, has an awesome detailed podcast series that thoroughly describes pre-language skills. She talks about “11 skills a toddler must use before words emerge.” She helps us understand what they are, how to identify them and why they are important.
The pre-language skills mentioned in her podcast are:
- Responds to events in the environment: do they notice things around them? Children must be able to process things they hear and see. They must be aware of their surroundings, and react to it.
- Responds to people: are they interested in people? Children should interact with people. They’ll respond when you call them by name, or look for you, so you can play with them.
- Develops an attention span: attention spans in toddlers are typically 3-6 minutes long. They can notice something and are interested in it. They stay with it for a while and give themselves the chance to see how it works.
- Exhibits joint attention: they can share the moment. They can use a toy with you, and shift their attention from the toy to you.
- Plays with toys: toddlers learn through play and using toys. Toys are meaningful to them. Do they know how to appropriately play with the toys? For example: rolling a toy car on the ground.
- Understands and uses early gestures: Do they communicate with their bodies? Can they wave bye-bye, nod yes or no, follow a point?
- Understands early words and follows simple directions: Do they recognize names of familiar people or things they use every day? If you say “Where’s dad?” or “Do you want water?” they will understand.
- Vocalizes: Are they noisy? Toddlers should make intentional and purposeful sounds with their voice, before they can even speak.
- Imitate actions, gestures, and words: They copy what you are doing. They use a toy the same way you use it, they clap when you clap.
- Initiates interaction: They take the lead to try and get your attention. They want to play with you, they try to get you to look at them or grab something for them.
- Turn taking: They are able to play back and forth. They can roll a ball or a car back and forth.
These are the 11 skills a toddler must develop before they start talking. Each one of these skills are essential to language development. Toddlers must have these skills firmly established in order for words to flow.
You can listen to the first part of the podcast clicking here and to the second one clicking here.
How can I help prepare my child for words?
As a parent you know your child best. You know what they are able to do and what they are not. You must be able to identify if these skills are present, consistent and strong in order for language to emerge. If one of these skills is missing, or isn’t strong, those are the skills you need to target and strengthen to prepare your child for words.
Questions we should ask ourselves when trying to determine how to help our children talk:
- Which of these skills are present in my child? Which aren’t?
- Which of these skills show up consistently? Which of them only every once in a while?
- Which of these skills are strong? Which need some extra work?
We must determine which of these skills need reinforcement and which ones need to be introduced. Once we know what to target, we can work with our little ones to prepare them for words.
Should we go to a speech therapist?
Some people will tell you “don’t worry words will come on their own, he/she is still young”. While that might be true sometimes, that is definitely not always the case. It’s great that you’re getting informed and learning more about how to help your child. You are the expert on your child and know them best, so if you have a gut feeling to seek help, there is no harm in that. The earlier children get the support they need, the better their outcomes.
Pre-language skills play a key role in language development. Children must go through all these skills before they start talking. If our little ones are late talkers, we must look at this list and determine what is missing, and work on those skills with them, or seek help from a speech therapist . It is important for us to not skip any steps that will lead to communication. We don’t want to push for words when our little ones aren’t ready yet. We need to set them up for success, by giving them the tools they need for language. Once we attain these eleven skills, we can focus on speaking words.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Film review: God's Crooked Lines (2022)
The successful novel written by Torcuato Luca de Tena in 1979 has reached the big screen taking the same name of the book that has managed to hook readers since it was first published. Luca de Tena, with Los renglones torcidos de Dios or God’s crooked lines, takes us into a psychological thriller in which the reader will not be able to stop reading as questions will swirl around in his mind and he would hardly be able to leave those questions unsolved for the next reading. The film, on the other hand, engages the audience with the main character’s discourse -logical and very organised, which will generate new inquiries. Flashes from the past will make us reflect on the veracity of the facts.
Synopsis of the movie
The novel, and its eponymous film, tells the story of Alice Gould, a private investigator, who is admitted to a mental asylum on behalf of a client in order to clarify the circumstances of a murder. To do so, Alice documents herself about a mental illness, paranoia, and she pretends she is suffering from that illness. Recall that in the era in which the novel is set, wives had to ask their husbands for permission on certain things, getting Alice to trick her husband into signing the application for her admission to the sanatorium.
Throughout the pages and minutes of the film, readers and audiences will be making decisions about the reliability of what at one point seemed very obvious, the sanity of the main character of this story. But for the author of the book and the director of the film, sanity and insanity are separated by a very thin line.
Comparison with reality
According to the author of the novel himself, in order to write the book he had to voluntarily commit himself for 18 days in a psychiatric institution to be able to adjust to the reality of what was really living within those walls. Finally, in the dedication included in the book, he wants to thank the entire medical community for their work and tenacity to «straighten out» those crooked lines of God, the patients. Those patients who met himself and on whom he got inspiration from.
The main interest that this novel can generate in society lies not only in a simple leisure activity, but also in the progress that psychiatry and psychology have experienced since the time in which this thrilling story is framed. The different illnesses or conditions of the patients shown in the film and the book, bring mental health closer to anyone outside the field of health, although in some cases not in the most accurate way. The reader or the audience will be able to experience the close relationship between mind and physiology, the different techniques that were used for different disorders and even how patients were treated in these institutions. Nowadays, all of it may seem abusive or unacceptable for the audience but we shouldn’t put the spotlight on that. On the contrary, we should focus on the advances that have been experienced in those fields to preserve dignity and security of patients without depriving them of the inherent freedom to the human condition.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Why should you go to a nutritionist?
According to the regulation of healthcare professionals, a Dietitian-nutritionist is the healthcare professional legally qualified to perform diet and food-related activities for patients (always individualising the recommendations according to the physiological and/or pathological conditions), and to provide nutritional advise and treatment.
Currently, we live in the era of information, and it is becoming increasingly easier to find food-related advice and recommendations in magazines, newspapers and, of course, on the internet. However, it is very important to take into account that not all the information available out there is reliable and up to date. What it’s more, all of this flood of information is very ambivalent and what according to a source is beneficial, it appears as the opposite in a different one. This is why you can find arguments to support a position as easy as to disprove it. Hence the importance to attend a dietitian-nutritionist who will provide with individualised recommendations and always with scientific evidence.
What exactly is a dietitian-nutritionist?
It is very often that when people hear the word “Nutritionist” the first thing that comes to their mind is “lose weight” and “dieting”. However, a dietitian- nutritionist is a healthcare professional whose functions go far beyond this, as they are experts in nutrition and dietetics who not only manage the nutritional treatment in a wide variety of conditions and the nutritional approach in all the stages of life, but also the quality management, food security and, lastly, the prevention of lifestyle and nutrition-related conditions.
A Dietitian-Nutritionist will provide individualised recommendations not only considering the general situation of the patient, namely age, stage of life, associated conditions and so on, but also other personal situations, such as their culture.
When should I go to a Nutritionist and how can it be helpful?
These are some of the reasons why you should attend a consultation:
- Change of dietary habits to help prevent lifestyle-related conditions such as type 2 diabetes mellitus, hypercholesterolemia or hypertension, as well as contribute to the nutritional management once diagnosed. In these cases, nutrition is the first line of action, and even when pharmacological treatment is necessary, nutrition is still a key part of the treatment.
- Specific moments in a woman’s life such as pregnancy or breastfeeding. In these stages, the nutritional requirements are increased, and it is essential to ensure an optimal nutrition intake from all macro and micronutrients.
- Nutritional approach in all different stages of life from childhood to advanced ages in both health and disease, and always considering the singularities of every different stage.
- Infant nutrition. Dietary advice in transitioning from exclusive breastfeeding to solid foods, that is, how and when to introduce the different solids gradually. Also, with the baby-led weaning (BLW), which has been on the rise in recent years: precautions, benefits and inconvenients, which foods and how to cook them, textures and much more.
- Optimisation of the sports performance in order to adapt recommendations according to the type of sport discipline and individual requirements as well as to assess potential needs for supplementation to enhance performance.
- Gut disorders: fructose and sorbitol intolerance, Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO), non-celiac gluten intolerance, celiac disease, Chron disease or ulcerative colitis.
- Nutritional management in other conditions such as renal disease or cancer. Also, in hormonal problems such as hypothalamic amenorrhea.
- Learn how to eat healthily and nutritional education. You do not have to be sick or have a specific situation to attend a Nutritionist. Sometimes a person might just want to learn how to eat better and make a habit change.
- Vegetarian diets. Either due to animal welfare reasons, the environment or because of other personal arguments, sometimes a person decides to reduce or eliminate the animal-derived products from their diet to some extent. In any case (ovolactovegetarian, vegan…), a nutritionist can assist in making the transition progressively, and can also provide alternatives to substitute all these products for other plant-based options to make sure that all the important nutrients are covered.
In summary, our health is very important and for that reason we should always aim to find qualified healthcare professionals to always make sure that the dietetic recommendations will be coherent, evidence-based and individualised depending in the individual circumstances.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
A Superhero therapy tool kit to help your children cope with difficult situations
Superhero therapy, is that a thing?
Janina Scarlet PhD, adapted an evidence-based therapy called Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and turned it into the superhero lover’s dream. To help children and adults manage their symptoms of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorders and other mental health conditions. ACT and Superhero Therapy’s objective is to help people learn to have a healthier, more flexible relationship with their thoughts, feelings and other significant private events. Which in turn will allow them understand who they want to be and to move towards what is truly valuable to them.
Working on values with children can be a very challenging task given its abstract background. Asking children or teens to do what is important above all pain or discomfort might seem impossible. Fortunately, That is where superheroes come in handy. Using an ACT framework, a therapist can help a patient relate to a fictional superhero, understand that superhero’s origin story and discuss how that superhero has overcome many of their own challenges (probably social, emotional or psychologically related) by taking actions toward their values (Washington, 2019). Prompting children to connect with a superhero’s story will allow them to play with different perspectives which can help them clarify what is important to them.
So how can we use superhero therapy in our everyday life?
Ideally, superhero therapy should be used as a guideline for evidence-based therapists to use with children or adults in session. However like Marvel Comics creator Stan Lee said, “The person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed, without a doubt a real superhero.” So grab your cape and lets bring out our superhero within.
1 – Find a superhero your children can relate to. Can you think of a superhero or a character your child can relate to? It can also be their favorite character, it does not have to be a superhero in a strict sense of the word. It can be any character in their favorite book, movie or series. It can even be a family member or a person in their life they admire. A character that might have an origin story or a struggle they can relate to.
For example, for Dr. Scarlet it was Storm from X-Men. When she was very young, Dr. Scarlet was exposed to a nuclear explosion because she lived in a small town near Chernobyl. This had incredibly debilitating effects on her health. To make matters worse, her symptoms where heavily influenced by the weather, if it was hot outside she would get severe nose bleeds, if it was humid she would get migraines or seizures and so on. When she was twelve her family decided to move to the United States, thinking the situation would get better being away from radiation but there she faced other types of struggles. In school her new classmates could not understand what she had gone through. She had to endure intense bullying, she was called radioactive or contagious, her peers were afraid to touch her or be near her. This made her feel completely alone and depressed but it all changed when she watch X-Men. The “Super mutants” made her feel less lonely specially when she discovered Storm a superhero who could control the weather. A superpower she always wished to have since her own struggles depended on the weather.
Is there any superhero that could make your child feel a little less alone in the world. A character they love or admire? It can be Batman, Ironman, Hulk, Harry Potter, Katniss Everdeen, even a Disney princess, a character from Encanto, Frozen and anime series. Anything you can think of.
2 – What is their superpower? Try to find out what is it that your kid loves so much about this character. What superpowers do they have. What struggles have they faced and what have they needed to overcome them. What are they like, what characteristics have hook you child to this character. This is a conversation you can have with younger children too, they might not be as clear as older children but if they tell you they like batman because he is good at getting out of trouble there are a couple of characteristics you can take away from that, like smart, problem solving, quick, strong. There is always something behind the obvious answer, this superpowers might be the window to your children’s values.
3 – Superhero diary. Once you have found the superpowers your child looks up its important they are translated into actions. Find a way you and your child can be a little bit more like Superman, Batman, Elsa, Katniss or whoever you have chosen. To make it more fun think of them as special missions and write them down in a Superhero Diary where your child can draw or write all the things they have done like their superhero so they can come back in difficult times and remind themselves all they are capable of.
4 – Find a Superhero Mentor. Every Superhero has a sidekick or a mentor who supports them during their missions. Batman has Alfred, Harry Potter has Ron and Hermione, Ironman has Jarvis, Katniss has Haymitch. Encourage your child to find a sidekick or a mentor it can be a family member, a friend, a pet or even a therapist or a counselor. Sinews can be a great source for counseling, we great group of child therapists that will gladly jump at the chance to be a superhero mentor.
5 – Every superhero journey starts with a struggle. Last but not least remind your children that all superheroes have an origin story that usually involve some kind struggle. Batman lost his parents, Harry Potter not only lost his parents he had to endure the horrible family he had left, Hulk was exposed to radiation. This stories turned them into the superheroes they are, the struggles helped them develop the incredible superpowers that we all admire. So if your children feel like life is a little daunting remind them it will turn them into amazing superheroes.
References:
Scarlet, J. (2017). Superhero Therapy: Mindfulness skills to help teens & young adults deal with anxiety, depression and trauma. New Harbinger.
Washington, K. (2019, April 25). What is superhero therapy?. Denver Health Blog. https://www.denverhealth.org/blog/2019/04/what-is-superhero-therapy
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy