Laura Redondo

What would you think if I told you that it’s estimated that a person can have around 60,000 thoughts in a single day? Would you believe it? Does it seem like a lot to you? Too little? How do you relate to your thoughts? Are you constantly ruminating over the same thing?

If you don’t have all the answers, I invite you to keep reading — I hope that after this article, you’ll have a better understanding of what a thought really is. To better grasp the power our thoughts have over us, I propose we carry out a small experiment.

Let’s start with an exercise. I’m going to ask you NOT TO THINK ABOUT A PINK ELEPHANT. For the next few seconds, try to focus on not thinking about a pink elephant. I dare to guess that two possible scenarios may have occurred. In one of them, as soon as you read “pink elephant,” even though the instruction was not to think about it, you couldn’t help but picture the elephant in your mind. Likely, the image popped up involuntarily.

Perhaps, after this first appearance, you tried to control it and push the thought away — scenario number two. However, was it easy to control it? Maybe you got distracted or focused on something else. Still, I’d bet that once you stop trying, the image comes back. And you might say, “Okay, sure, but what does this have to do with my thoughts?” Much more than you might think.

From this experiential exercise, we can draw several conclusions. First, many of our thoughts are automatic — they appear without any conscious effort on our part. They travel through our minds independently. Second, paradoxically, trying not to think about something makes it show up even more. Third, trying to control our thoughts requires mental energy and effort, and it’s not something simple.

In the short term, pushing away a thought might bring some relief. But if the strategy demands a huge amount of effort, is it something we can realistically sustain over the long term? It’s very helpful to imagine our mind like a highway where there’s always traffic. Depending on the time of day, there are more or fewer cars — and sometimes even traffic jams. It’s a highway that cannot be shut down. The highway is our brain, and the cars are our thoughts.

Now that we’ve personally experienced how difficult it is to control a thought, it’s time to ask ourselves: what exactly is a thought?

Sometimes, people think in images. However, in this article, we’ll focus on those thoughts that aren’t images but words. Yes, you read that correctly — thoughts are nothing more than language. Let’s try another exercise to become more aware of our thoughts. Often, we aren’t even conscious of what we’re thinking. We take our internal dialogue throughout the day for granted and assume that what we think is accurate and real. But what if I told you that not everything we think is true? Sometimes, we deceive ourselves. Before diving deeper, let’s complete this exercise. You might find it helpful to close your eyes. Focus on what’s crossing your mind right now and write it down below:

After the exercise, it’s as if we’ve externalized what was inside us. What form do they take now? Exactly — words. Words are just that: words. What I mean is, just like we can invent a completely made-up story from scratch, if the content of our mind is language, why couldn’t it work the same way?

To understand why language holds so much power in our minds, we need to take a brief look at our species’ history.

Language is a fundamental part of our nature. Thanks to language, humans can evaluate the consequences of actions, predict or anticipate the future, learn from the past, accumulate knowledge, and regulate both their own and others’ behavior. In fact, it’s because of language that humanity has reached such high levels of cultural, intellectual, and environmental development.

Thus, we can say that language has been key to human survival. In the past, communication was vital. It allowed our ancestors to defend themselves, attack, and ultimately survive. However, today, we live in a society where life-threatening danger is not an everyday reality. In this context, confusing thoughts with reality can generate great distress. For instance, in ancient times, if someone said a mammoth was coming, a mammoth was indeed coming. Thought and reality were aligned, and the alert was real. Today, we might think we’re going to get fired, fall ill, or that something bad will happen — and yet it might not be real, or there might be no evidence for it.

Thus, thought and reality are two separate dimensions. Because of this, when we have “positive/pleasant thoughts,” we tend to believe we will have positive experiences; and when we have “negative/unpleasant thoughts,” we anticipate negative outcomes. We create a cause-and-effect relationship: if I think a certain way, certain things will happen. Relating to our thoughts in this way makes it logical for us to try to escape, flee, and avoid anything that feels “negative.” But as we’ve seen earlier, the more we try to run from a thought, the more persistently it follows us.

Even though it’s a truth we might not like, suffering is an inherent part of life. Suffering includes losses, disappointments, sadness — emotions and experiences we all face at some point. Nevertheless, in modern societies, progress seems to be geared toward rejecting discomfort. But let’s ask ourselves: could we move a mountain? We might try, but it’s highly unlikely we’d succeed. The same thing happens here. While avoiding suffering might seem like a logical response, today this strategy can end up working against us. Reality is often understood as two opposing teams: either I feel good or I feel bad. If I feel good, it means I’m thinking positively; everything is normal, and I can live comfortably. But if I feel bad, it must be because I’m thinking negatively, something must be wrong, and life becomes uncomfortable. Our main goal becomes feeling good, because we believe that feeling bad is wrong. Thus, we try to avoid doubts, worries, and “negative” emotions (if such a thing even exists). The truth is, as long as those emotions have a reasonable cause, intensity, frequency, and duration, they are part of being human. There will be other times, of course, when seeking professional support is necessary.

Some everyday examples of avoidance might sound like:

When we try to escape from all discomfort, it can develop into what is known as Experiential Avoidance Disorder. This occurs when a person uses avoidance as a generalized coping strategy, affecting many areas of life and significantly limiting their functioning. In our attempt to run away from memories, thoughts, emotions, or images that generate discomfort, we end up also avoiding everything that brings us joy. When we avoid what makes us uncomfortable, we feel immediate relief, which in turn reinforces avoidance. It becomes a never-ending cycle, where we build a cozy castle for ourselves — but at the cost of everything we stop experiencing outside those walls.

Believing that thoughts are reality leads us to suffer when their content is distressing. Since we don’t like suffering, we avoid — and by avoiding, we only make the thought stronger. Accepting our humanity, with all its light and shadows, is not about giving up — it’s about beginning to live more fully. There are many strategies that can help us build a healthier relationship with our thoughts. As we’ve seen, thoughts are like fellow travelers: we can’t always control who gets in, but we can decide how to coexist with them. In the next article, we’ll delve deeper into some of these tools.

Meanwhile, remember: you don’t have to walk this path alone. If you’ve been feeling unwell for a long time, if your discomfort interferes with your life, or even if you simply feel you need some support, seeking professional help is an act of bravery and self-care. The right guidance can make all the difference and help you discover new ways of living with greater well-being.

Laura Redondo Fidalgo is a Clinical Psychologist and Neuropsychologist at Sinews. She works with a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, grief, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationship problems, among others. Her approach is cognitive-behavioral, but she also incorporates tools and techniques from other modalities, such as Third Generation Therapies, adapting to the specific needs of each patient, thanks to her continuous training.