I WOULD LIKE TO HELP MY CHILDREN WITH THEIR HOMEWORK BUT… HOW?
Some children develop their own strategies when studying or working on a project. Some others don't because no one has told them how to do it. Study techniques and work habits can be taught and learnt and some parents are eager to help their children but they don't know how.
First of all, try to be patient. Helping your own children with homework can be challenging. Something that can be easy in an adult's eyes might be a whole world for a child.
Secondly, think of the duties you carry out throughout the day. Most of them are habits. Creating habits is essential because when you create a habit, it is easier to remember that you have to do it and, therefore, easier to start with the task. It becomes something almost automatic. For this reason, it would be very helpful if you help your children do it. Something you can do is create a routine with them: pick them up from school, arrive home, have a snack and start doing homework, letting them do something they like after (drawing, playing, helping prepare dinner, etc.).
Ask yourself if your kids have the right environment to carry out their tasks. This is something that many people do not take in consideration but it is an important factor too. So, try to ensure that the room where he or she is doing his or her homework:
- Is appropriately ventilated
- The temperature is between 18 and 22 degrees
- Has a comfortable table and chair befitting their age and size.
- Has enough sunlight
- Remove everything that can be a source of distraction (game consoles, television), leaving only the necessary material.
Bear in mind that is very important that study always at the same place and at the same time, so try to reserve a place in the house for your kids.
And now… what?
- Always remember that helping does not mean doing everything for the other person, rather, being a guide but giving autonomy at the same time. Give them always the chance to try first what needs to be done by themselves.
- When it is time to start doing homework, you can ask them to check the agenda (at first you can do it with them) and plan the rest of the day. If your kids do not know where to start or if they get easily overwhelmed, help them make a schedule or daily / weekly plan. You can divide every task in small steps to make it appear as less work. This allows them to focus on each activity at a time.
- Encourage your child to take breaks periodically. The attention span is limited. Your kids will not learn more just because they spend more time seated on a chair for hours at a time.
- If there is something they do not know how to solve, do not give away the answers for the exercises. You will not do your kids any favors. If they just get the right answer, they will not pay attention in class when the teacher corrects it and they will not learn the process. A better way is explaining how to proceed and then leaving them alone, so they can try to solve it by themselves.
- Make a checklist together, including what your kids need to take to school the following day (books, projects, …) and hang it on a visible place in the room. Ask them to revise everything they might need for the next day with the checklist before going to bed, put it in their backpack and tick off each of the elements on the list once is done.
- It is essential to give them positive reinforcement for every step they take- even for the small ones. Think of how you feel when, for example, your boss tells you the great job you have done. This positive reinforcement might consist of positive words that acknowledge the effort they have dedicated to the task, or that can express appreciation for the completed work. You can also use physical contact to reward them.
And what should you try to avoid?
- Try not to put too much emphasis on the grades. It is the effort which needs to be rewarded. Sometimes the result is not as good as parents expect but this does not mean that your kids have not been working hard! There are many factors that can be influencing your kid’s grades.
- If you believe that the school is sending too much homework, talk to the teacher directly. Do not complain about it in front of your kids. Try to cooperate with the school as much as possible. Dialogue is crucial for understanding every point of view.
- It is also important not to overload your kids with too many activities. Sometimes they have whole afternoons full of extracurricular activities in addition to homework. Try to adapt them to their taste. And of course, your kids should not lose sleep hours because of these duties.
- Do not make homework the center of your family life. Remember they are children, they also need to play, spend fun time with you and relax, too. All of that will also contribute to a healthy development.
If you have already tried to help your kids at home and you feel that it is not working or that your intervention is having a negative influence on your family relationships, do not despair. This situation can be overwhelming for every parent…
Have you ever thought about the idea of hiring a professional equipped to do this job for you?
Sinews offers a wide range of possibilities that might be suitable for your case:
- A learning disabilities specialist who offers academic support in the classroom, so the student will be accompanied during class in order to achieve personalized, integrated support that is adapted to the academic curriculum.
- At home learning disabilities specialist: the specialist will help the child overcome learning difficulties in the language used in school.
- Specialized academic support at Sinews: treatment for learning disabilities are also offered in our facilities.
Contact us by email or visit for further information here .
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Is my child swallowing correctly? Can a speech pathologist help?
After a visit to the dentist or the orthodontist many parents are told their child has an infant or atypical deglutition, other doctors notice how their patient’s tongue tends to rest in the inferior teeth. Some doctors may even suggest a child must have treatment with a Speech pathologist before starting the orthodontic treatment in order to avoid further complications or delays with the process.
What is atypical deglutition?
When children are transitioning from mixed to all permanent teeth, several changes alter their facial bones and muscular structures (stomatognathic system). It is during this stage when a child transitions from an infant swallowing to an adult pattern of swallowing. Due to unknown causes many children do not transition to an adult pattern in swallowing when they replace all of their teeth. This persistency in an infant swallowing pattern is known as atypical deglutition.
Children or adults with atypical deglutition may have a hard time closing both lips. They push the tongue down and forward toward the teeth, the jaw moves backward therefore the body of the tongue moves down and away from the hard palate. Some children even bite their tongue when doing this movement.
A correct swallowing pattern
The correct swallowing pattern occurs when both lips are in contact. The tip of the tongue moves up against the hard palate, followed by the body of the tongue pushing against the medial part of our palate. This sequence creates a correct arch form and dental alignment.
Many adults and teenagers have an atypical deglutition and sometimes only notice it after finishing an orthodontic treatment, when their teeth move back to the starting position. This is due to the constant pressure the tongue makes against the incisive teeth, pushing them open.
Effects of having atypical deglutition
One of the most common effects of a lack of strength in the tongue is being an oral breather. Being an oral breather has a big impact in all aspects of our life, in severe cases it might even lead to sleep apnea (moments of non-oxygenation while sleeping). Improper oxygenation in children can lead to restlessness, lack of focus and even affect the growth and development of the whole orofacial system.
People who have an infant swallowing pattern can also attribute it to a suction habit with no nutritious purposes. It can be common for children or even adults develop a habit of sucking on a blanket, fingers or baby bottles. A persistent suction pattern leads to less strength and an incorrect position of the tongue.
Several people might even have nutritional side effects, such as needing to make more effort eating solids and hard to chew foods, and therefore end up not consuming several food groups.
As an alteration of the facial and chewing muscles is present, when having an atypical deglutition, most children might experience articulation difficulties. This does not mean that every child who suffers from articulation problems has atypical deglutition or vice versa.
Symptoms
If you suspect that your son/ daughter or even yourself might have atypical deglutition these are some of the symptoms to look out for:
- When swallowing the tongue is placed between the teeth. An open bite tends to develop.
- Having difficulties chewing solids, or swallowing a big amount of liquids. Most oral breathers even state they experience difficulties when chewing and breathing at the same time.
- A child with a breathing pattern will keep his mouth open when watching television, playing, reading or during daily activities. The tongue will be placed on the lower area of the mouth and rest in the inferior incisive teeth.
- As the mouth tends to be open some drooling when sleeping or during daily activities might occur. Lips tend to lack the strength to stay closed.
- When swallowing the child might make head movements, weird sounds, sucking of the lower lip, changing head postures etc…
All of these side effects can develop because of the lack of strength in the muscles that build up the tongue and facial expression.
Is there a solution?
Dentists and orthodontists are directly involved in treatment, but a speech pathologist with a specialisation in myotherapy can also help as we intervene in the re-education of breathing, strengthening exercises, and getting rid of inadequate suction patterns.
Treatment is not aggressive and tries to be the least invasive as possible. Keep in mind that to strengthen a muscle a specific exercising routine must be followed. The tongue is no different from the muscles in your legs or arms, and to build up strength a daily effort must be made. A weekly session with the speech pathologist will be held to help you learn the exercises and as progress is made monthly visits will be required.
If you have any more questions or think you or a relative may have a swallowing difficulty, don’t hesitate to contact us. We will gladly answer any doubts or arrange for an appointment with one of our specialists.
References
Vanz, Rúbia Vezaro, Rigo, Lilian, Vanz, Angela Vezaro, Estacia, Anamaria, & Nojima, Lincoln Issamu. (2012). Interrelation between orthodontics and phonoaudiology in the clinical decision-making of individuals with mouth breathing. Dental Press Journal of Orthodontics, 17(3), 1-7. https://dx.doi.org/10.1590/S2176-94512012000300010
Machado Júnior, Almiro José, & Crespo, Agrício Nubiato. (2012). Avaliação cefalométrica de via aérea e do osso hioide em crianças com deglutição normal e atípica: estudo de correlações. Sao Paulo Medical Journal, 130(4), 236-241. https://dx.doi.org/10.1590/S1516-31802012000400006
Jiménez Jiménez, J. (2017). Importancia de la deglución atípica en las maloclusiones. OdontologíA Sanmarquina, 19(2), 41-44. doi:https://dx.doi.org/10.15381/os.v19i2.12917
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
¿Es normal que mi hijo bilingüe se atasque al hablar?
Question
Nuestra logopedia Valeria Ávila contesta a una de las preguntas más frecuentes que recibimos: Mi hijo es bilingüe, somos españoles y vivimos en Holanda. Tiene 3 años y 2 meses y a veces se atasca al hablar. Me gustaría saber si es normal. Gracias.
Answer
Los niños al estar expuesto a dos lenguas a la vez pueden tener un desarrollo más tardío en el lenguaje en comparación con sus iguales monolingües. En los niños bilingües se suele considerar normal que exista un retraso aproximado de 4 a 6 meses en el lenguaje. Si se nota que el niño no logra expresar sus necesidades en ninguno de los dos idiomas, es necesario acudir a un logopeda para obtener una valoración más exhausta.
Muchas veces cuando los niños intentan comunicarse pueden tener unos pequeños “atascos”. Lo más importante como padres es mantener la calma y dar tiempo al niño para que intente terminar de comunicar su mensaje. Si notamos que transcurridos unos segundos el niño no es capaz de elaborar el mensaje podemos recapitular lo que el niño nos dice y ayudarle a terminar su mensaje.
Aun así si lo “atascos” van acompañados de movimiento motores, como suelen ser movimientos oculares o de cabeza, prolongaciones o repeticiones constantes de un sonido de la palabra, lo más aconsejable es acudir a un especialista en este caso un Logopeda colegiado para explorar en profundidad el caso y poder dar pautas especificas a los padres.
En caso de tener más preguntas, no duden en contactar con Sinews.
Atentamente, Valeria Ávila Logopeda/ Speech and language therapist
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Have you ever asked yourself how you learn?
Even though we spend a substantial portion of our life studying or working, most of us have not been taught how to do so in the most effective way. Learning should not imply just reading a text several times and then repeating it. Learning implies three basic actions: exposure to material, revision and practice.
There are many cognitive processes involved in learning (short and long-term memory, attention span, executive functions, perception, language, etc.).
The best way to learn is getting to know all these processes, their limits and some strategies to make them work in the best and most effective possible way. This is called metacognition.
What can you do to improve your study skills?
Let’s start with our environment:
- It is fundamental to choose our own space to study, with a comfortable table and chair. A space with no distractions (videogames, TV, etc.). Appropriate ventilation and temperature (between 18º y 22º) are also deemed necessary. Bear in mind the importance of the amount of light; if possible, take advantage of the indirect sunlight. If you are right-handed, the light has to come from the left and if you are left-handed from the right. Avoid fluorescent tubes! They will tire your eyes.
- It is also important to always study in the same place at the same time.Every time we are in a new place, we tend to explore it, so we get distracted. For this reason, we have to consider studying in the same place. Try to find the best time for you to study throughout the day. Some people can concentrate more during the mornings and others in the afternoon.
- In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed, take only the material strictly necessary for the subject or project you are working on at the moment. When you are done, put it in its place and take the material for the next subject.
- Duerme tantas horas como necesites y come de la forma más saludable posible. Tu cerebro necesita descansar y alimentarse adecuadamente. Si no das a tu cuerpo lo que necesita, no serás capaz de recordar información, prestar atención o planificar los pasos necesarios para llevar a cabo una tarea.
- Sleep as many hours as you need and eat as healthily as possible.Your brain needs to rest and to be fed properly as well. If you don’t give to your body what is necessary, you will not be able to recall information, pay attention or plan the steps you need to follow to accomplish a task.
- Setting goals is also essential.They need to be clear, concrete, short-term and realistic. Write them down, so you don´t forget about them. They will remind you of the track you should follow when you get lost. Reward yourself for your achievements! Go to the cinema, get your favorite snack, buy chocolates, … as soon as you accomplish each of your goals.
- Expose yourself to the contents in an active way: do not limit yourself to only reading what you have to study several times. You will probably forget about it the following day. Your brain needs to work and process the information in different ways. Ask yourself what you know about the content you are about to read; write down doubts and look for the answer; search for additional information in different formats (books, videos, notes); create mindmaps, etc. Remember it is not a matter of just memorizing words or formulas just for the exams, it is a matter of internalizing what you really need to know.
Look at the following learning pyramid. Did you know that we retain only the 10% of the material we read? Or that, by teaching others, our brain is able to retain the 90%?
Do you want to know more?
When studying or working, one of the biggest obstacles we usually find in our way is time management. Most of the time, we have too many things to do and too little time. It is very common to procrastinate, not know where to start with or just waste our time.
Adequate planning will help you:
- Control your daily performance and efficiency, so you will be able to adjust your work to your academic/work demands.
- Create a study habit, so it will not be so hard starting with our tasks. It will increase our concentration too.
- Use your time: if you plan what you need to do properly, you will see that you will have time, not only for the obligations, but also to enjoy free time.
Do not forget that a proper planning must be, foremost, operative. This means, that it must be useful to achieve the concrete and realistic goals you set. Sharing your objectives with your friends or relatives will help you with your commitment.
If you feel that time management is one of your handicaps, have a look at the following tips:
- Make a daily or weekly to-do list. Instead of thinking about everything you need to do, write it down. This can help prevent you from forgetting something important.
- Prioritize.Assign a priority to the things you have on your list and try to follow the order from the most important /urgent one to the least.
- Make your own schedule.There are things that need to be done during a concrete time slot. A schedule will also help you visualize the real time you have during the day to do what you plan. This will include free time, so you will also see the benefits of doing what you are supposed to do at the right time. If you need to study for several subjects, take in consideration that it is better to start with a medium difficulty subject, then a high difficulty subject and finish with an easy one. Take breaks every 45-50 minutes and get some water, talk to someone or listen to music for 10-15 minutes.
- Do not try to multitask.When we feel overwhelmed by all the things that we need to sort out sometimes we try to do everything we want all at once but this will lead us to not finish anything.
- Keep a clean and tidy environment around you.Trying to find something is a typical and unnecessary way of wasting your time. You can avoid it just by keeping everything in the right place.
- Do not procrastinate:the main reasons why we delay the moment to start doing something are because of fear of failure or because we don´t know where to start.How can we try to avoid this situation?
- Identify the difficult task you are avoiding. Divide it into small parts. Write these small parts and place the list somewhere where you can see it. Cross out the steps you are have completed.
- If you have five minutes to carry out a task, then choose a task that is going to take you that amount of time and force yourself to work during that time.
- Try not to be a perfectionist.Give your best when developing a project but realize that not everything is going to be always perfect.
- Stay focused on your final goal and think about the satisfaction you will feel when you achieve it.
Remember that is also important to evaluate yourself from time to time: ask yourself what you are doing right and what you might be doing wrong and do not be afraid of change if what you are doing is not working.
There is not a unique and infallible method for everyone, so try to find your own. Everyone has different needs and different skills!
If, after reading this article, you still feel that you cannot do it by yourself, ask for help. A learning specialist from Sinews can guide you through the, sometimes, difficult path of learning. Through several training sessions you will learn how to organize yourself, memory techniques, or how to summarize.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Fall in love with your Routines
Forgetting about routines, having the freedom to do what we want when we feel like it… those long days of Summer are ideal to live like that: more slowly, more spontaneous.
Not having to restrict ourselves to specific schedules and being open to improvisation are parts of the perfect recipe for disconnection and relaxation. However sooner or later the time comes to snap back to reality and a more formal rhythm.
How can we maintain the feeling of freedom from the summer in our days marked by schedules and repetitive obligations? Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could start to enjoy our routines instead of seeing them as boring and monotonous obligations?
Here is an easy step-by-step way to fall back in love with your routines.
Analyze what works for you
If you just had a wonderful summer, you will still remember which were the most memorable and pleasant moments for you. Did you love taking the time to shoot the perfect picture of the sunset over the fishing wharf? Did you lose sense of time during that impressive mountain hike? Did you get swallowed up by the sound of the ocean waves? Do you smile remembering the long talks with relatives you hadn’t seen for months?
Since you can’t bring the beach home nor move mountains, you need to be practical. The challenge consists of identifying the common denominator in your pleasant moments.What is the key element that makes your routine days something special? Nature? Taking care of yourself? Silence? Creativity? The people? The good food? Taking the time to simply bewithout doing anything? Our routines are only sad if they don’t leave room for those small moments of pleasure. Transforming your routine starts with finding the small replicas of big moments you experienced in your free time. Yes, you can have a fruity cocktail on a Tuesday afternoon on an improvised deck chair listening to chill-out music. You can use your mobile phone camera to capture special moments any time of year- after all the sun does set every day! Do you know the best part of your city to watch it? Do you take time to stop and see? It isn’t about trying to make it the same; it’s about getting back those mini-moments of pleasure that are within reach, without judging if they are as good as something you can only have once or twice a year.
Look for small variations within the repetitive:
Activate your curiosity and creativity to discover new ways of doing your day-to-day. If you discovered the pleasure of listening to an audiobook while lying on the beach, why not listen to one while ironing? If you loved the exotic food that you tried for the first time, promise yourself to try a strange restaurant once a month or sign up to a YouTube channel that can teach you to cook new recipes at home. It is proven that the search for small variations in our daily lives is fundamental to our happiness.Repetition is only dangerous if we assume that things are always the same. Each day is different and we can discover many aspects to enrich what may seem monotonous. If you have children, allow them to show you a different view from their natural curiosity- it can connect you with the constant flow of changes in life. Play Find the Differences on your daily commute, whether or not you have kids. Ask yourself in the morning what small change could I make today? Put away your mobile and look out the window on the bus, turn up the radio and sing- even in the middle of a traffic jam, smile at the other people getting on the metro just because, try to give back a bit of humanity to those daily interactions with strangers… with a bit of creativity you will end up seeing that getting out of the routine is all about attitude , the attitude of not conforming to a repetitive life.
Question what you do automatically:
Sometimes routine gobbles us up without us even noticing and it makes us do things without even knowing why. The weeks go by and we get lost in what we’ve done a certain way forever. Start to question your habits. What is something you do every day that doesn’t really add anything to your life? Are there some routines that have lost their sense? Realize that we have automatisms that don’t add anything to our lives (like turning on the news at dinnertime, sending messages instead of calling, going to the grocery store Saturday morning, reading emails instead of focusing on more important things, spending hours on social media instead of reading a good novel or postponing story time with the kids for another day when we are less tired…). Turn on an alarm every hour and when it goes off ask yourself ‘what am I doing? Does it make sense? Do a critical revision of your routines and find out if they are really useful for you. Choose the routine that seems the most absurd to you and…
Get rid of what isn’t working
Out with the things you’ve outgrown, gotten too big or aged. Just like we go through our closet to get rid of the clothes we no longer like, we should do the same with our routines. Perform a Spring cleaning of your routines to leave more space for what’s really important. Remember that there are many ways to do things. The key is in doing a bit less of what doesn’t make sense to be able to do more of what does. You will be surprised by the time you can free up when you start to get rid of your old habits without sense.
To get back the spark of your routines, find a good balance between the routine and the new. Even if your obligations and routines won’t ever totally disappear, remember that you can always choose how you will face them. Make your day to day more enjoyable each month and you will have a great year, whatever the season!
If you're still struggling, call us to make an appointment with a Sinews professional!
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
How to look after your voice
Our voice is the instrument we use to communicate on a daily basis and for this reason it should be used correctly. If we do so, we lessen the risk of straining our vocal cords.
Which are the signs or symptoms of a voice disorder?
Aphonia refers to the loss of voice
Dysphonia is characterized by altered vocal quality, pitch or volume.
Based on the type of dysphonia and its causes, different symptoms can be observed:
- Discomfort when speaking
- Hoarseness
- Decreased vocal endurance or fatigue
- Dryness, itching or an irritated throat
- Frequent coughing or throat clearing
- Decreased breath support or running out of breath during speech
- Pain
What type of voice disorders can affect our vocal cords?
Although voice issues can occur due to different reasons, they can be classified as:
- Organic: a structural disorder involves something physically wrong with the mechanism of the vocal folds. Some examples include nodules, polyps, laryngitis, cysts, contact ulcers, etc. Neurogenic voice disorders can also appear, caused by a problem in the nervous system.
- Functional: in this case the physical structure is normal, but the vocal mechanism is being used improperly or inefficiently. For example vocal fatigue or a Muscle Tension Dysphonia can exist. This type of functional problem may cause a structural lesion.
Who can suffer from dysphonia?
Anyone can experience voice difficulties at any time in life, including during childhood, adolescence or adulthood. However, individuals who use their voice as a work tool, such as teachers, singers, actors or broadcasters, have higher chances of developing dysphonia caused by the constant use of their voice.
How can I look after my voice?
Following some simple advice can help us avoid these voice difficulties that so many people suffer from in their everyday life. Below are some recommendations to protect your voice:
- Hydration: drinking enough liquid is essential to help lubricate your vocal folds so they may vibrate correctly. Therefore, you should aim to drink approximately two litres of fluid a day, although it is best to avoid alcohol, caffeine and fizzy drinks and take sips throughout the day. A lack of humidity in the environment can also affect the vocal cords, so in dry climates it can be useful to have a humidifier at home or carry out steam inhalations to moisten your larynx.
- Avoid smoking: as this involves smoke passing constantly between the vocal folds. This inevitably dries them out and causes irritation. Smoking also greatly increases the risk of developing mouth, lung or larynx cancer.
- Be aware of how you use your voice: firstly, regarding the volume used, it is advisable to avoid shouting or raising your voice over loud background noise. Secondly, consider the length of time you are speaking for and try to take breaks when speaking for a long time. Our vocal cords are muscles that can get “tired” if used non-stop.
- When you feel any discomfort: avoid coughing or clearing your throat, as this can irritate the vocal cords even more. It is best to swallow saliva or drink some lukewarm liquid if possible. You can also chew gum or have a sugar-free sweet.
- Respect the natural resistance of your voice: each person has a different tone and volume depending on their individual characteristics and level of voice training. Therefore, in order to avoid the risk of developing voice problems, it is important not to push these limits.
- Be careful with your posture and breathing: sometimes, and specially now we use mobiles and computers on a daily basis, our posture might be affected without us even being aware. This affects the neck muscles and the air coming out of the lungs, which is the mechanism that makes the vocal cords vibrate. To avoid problems, try to relax your shoulders, open your chest and straighten your neck, breathing deeply in a relaxed way to completely fill your lungs with air, instead of taking superficial breaths.
- Get enough sleep and avoid psychological tension:r la tensión psicológica: our voice is closely related to our emotional state and therefore, stress can lead to the contraction of our neck and vocal cords, as well as the muscles involved in breathing. Adopting a healthy lifestyle is always a good idea, so aim to carry out any form of relaxation that feels appropriate for you; for example taking regular physical exercise, doing yoga or going to meditation classes. Sleeping at least six hours a night can also help reduce tiredness in our vocal cords and contributes to our general wellbeing.
These are only a few recommendations you can include in your daily routine. However, if you feel the difficulties are persistent in time, you should look for help.
When should I get help?
If you have been feeling discomfort for over a week when speaking or if you need to make a better use of your voice due to your job, please visit a specialist who will be able to help you improve your voice and achieve your goals.
When the symptoms mentioned above become persistent or interfere with your daily activities, the first step would be to visit an ear nose and throat specialist, or otolaryngologist. This professional will be able to assess your vocal structures and give you a diagnosis, as well as information regarding the next steps to follow. In some cases surgery will be necessary and/or voice therapy with a speech and language therapist will be recommended.
What is voice therapy?
Depending on each case, voice therapy with a qualified speech and language therapist will involve different exercises to help you:
- Achieve adequate vocal habits
- Increase awareness regarding your own vocal structures
- Correct your posture and relax neck and throat muscles
- Use breath correctly and effectively when speaking
- Improve the use of resonance cavities
If you have questions about your vocal health, contact a specialist at Sinews!
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Is my child addicted to the phone?
It is very probable that the mobile phone is the technology that has most changed the lives of families, for which we should stop and think about the impact that technology of information and communication (ICT) has on our children.
When we talk about information and communication technology, we usually refer to those technologies that allow us to transmit, process and spread information instantly.
We have all incorporated the use of ICT into our daily lives, as a tool of interaction, socialization, work, amusement and learning. However, it is in adolescence where the increase of usage is most noticeable. The content of ICT has become an element of interaction and socialization, principally among peers, owing to shared affections for certain activities such as music, fashion and film among things. Further, this allows them to exchange information like: interesting web pages, bloggers, tricks to use in certain video games, etc.
ICT and the mobile phone in particular grant multiple opportunities and benefits; for example they favor social relations, cooperative learning, the development of new abilities, new forms of construction of knowledge, and the development of creative capacities, communication and reasoning. In the family atmosphere, a new space opens for participation in family. In this way ICT well-used can be a channel of communication between family members. For example when the parents often travel, one way to communicate with them is through Facetime, Skype or similar platforms.
So, with so many benefits, how do we get addicted to mobile phones? Who are the most vulnerable?
Who is most at risk of suffering mobile phone addiction?
Determined psychological variables can influence the greater or lesser predisposition or vulnerability to becoming addicted to new technologies. Some of these variables are: impulsiveness, low self-esteem, low mood, inadequate confrontational strategies, need for affection or a poor network of social support.
Youth and adolescents are the most vulnerable and for various reasons. They are have grown up with the newest technologies and see the use of such as normal and necessary; they have easy access to devices; the life stage that they are experiencing is characterized by the search of feelings and identity and as such are greatly influenced by their peer group.
Mobile addiction?
Adolescents place fundamental values in new technologies and internet, as a sign of identity and status, and the use of these has become a priority in their lives. It is here where we begin to see the following signs:
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Loss of control
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Loss of privacy
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Dependence: need or intense impulse to conduct the behavior
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A rising tension until able to perform the behavior, characterized by different alterations of mood (anxiety, depression, irritability,...), cognitive (effects on concentration) and sleep patterns
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Grave interference in daily life and interactions
With respect to factors that favor addictive qualities, they are the ease of access and availability, the experience of time distortion during connectivity, perception of anonymity and a feeling of inhibition that allows the possibility of representing different roles or revealing uncomfortable or hidden aspects of oneself without risks.
When using the mobile phone just to use it, the aforementioned symptoms appear.
Having arrived to this point, the daily life of an adolescent can be affected on different levels, starting with a loss in interest, passed up in favor of the mobile phone. The adolescent will start to reduce social relations, to have problems with studies or work and to use the mobile more and more.
How do I know if my child presents behaviors that could be related to mobile addiction?
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Loss of interest in activities that they previously enjoyed and were gratifying
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Excessive preoccupation to use the mobile which interferes with daily routines
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Depressive mood, irritable, restlessness and lack of concentration, changes in sleep patterns
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Changes in academic performance, loss of friendships
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Denying or hiding behavior, connecting in private and losing the notion of time during use
What can I do to help my child?
It is of vital importance to work on the emotional and communicative bonds in the family.
The more the adolescent gets to know himself and is capable of expressing feelings and worries with confidence of being heard and accepted as they are, they will have more ability to tolerate frustrations and resolve conflicts. They will know how to ask for help at home if they need it because they will feel a climate of confidence and support to help them talk.
Alternative activities
Planning alternative activities that are incompatible with mobile use is a good strategy to reduce the quantity of hours dedicated to the mobile. Good options for activities are those that imply relation with others that are enjoyable, cultural or sporty, outdoors, etc.
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Impress upon your child from a young age the importance of spending time with friends doing activities that do not include the use of modern technology.
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Observe the mobile use of your child to make it a process of usage and learning at the same time.
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Agree upon some rules regarding times, places, content and forms of use.
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Enforce a monthly limit on time spent on the mobile phone and ensure your child is responsible for some coverage of mobile costs.
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Reason with your child some respectful rules regarding third parties and content, photos and videos, sharing images with other people, and of course, not distributing content of others without authorization of use that could irreversibly damage the image of someone
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Ask your child to turn off the mobile phone when they do not need it or should not use it, for example while studying, in school or while eating or sleeping.
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Teaching by example is very important. Children replicate the behaviors of their parents. Our children should see us, as adults, making rational use of the mobile phone and following the same rules.
Technology is undoubtedly going to play an irreplaceable role in our lives from here on out. However by making ourselves and our children aware of the use and implanting responsible and reasonable practices we can ensure the maintenance of a healthy & beneficial relationship with these helpful technologies. If you think you or your child is having troubles with technology addiction, Sinews is happy to offer counseling and steps to change this relationship.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
A travel guide for couples: 5 tips for working through holiday difficulties
You’ve booked the flights, triple-checked your reservations, and ensured that you packed enough sunscreen to protect a small school of children from the sun, but chances are you haven’t given much thought as to how to prepare your relationship for the exciting vacation ahead. Summer vacations are often visualized as being blissful and seamless, but frequently these lovely adventures are paired with arguments, stress, and unmet expectations. One of the most overlooked aspects of organizing vacations is how to handle and plan for the relational difficulties that tend to arise.
This brings us to the question:
Why do couples argue while traveling?
We often find that what starts as an exciting adventure turns into a stressful and expensive nightmare. Although this doesn’t always have to be the case (continue reading for tips on how to navigate these stressors), there are several reasons that make travel a recipe for relational conflict.
One of the primary aspects of travel that can be hard on a relationship is the component of stress, which stems from the unexpected and unplanned quality that is paired with travel. The element of seeing a new place and having a new adventure is the same reason that makes travel engaging – there are aspects of travel that are out of our control and challenging to plan for. Within our day-to-day routines, we often feel secure and familiar with what we know. We have our morning routines, take the same path to work, spend time with our colleagues, visit the same restaurants, and return home to our partners and families. While we can still have new experiences and stressors in our routines, we are also within a familiar context and able to adapt and adjust accordingly. For example, if you lose your ID or belongings on the way to work, it is a hassle but manageable. On the other hand, while traveling there is the potential for a lot to go “wrong” or not as planned. You may get lost, lose an item, have problems with reservations or have failed plans.
This component of the unexpected leaves couples much more vulnerable as individuals, let alone couples, to stress and trying times. This, paired with lack of sleep, jet lag, and other challenges only exacerbate this phenomenon.
As these stressors emerge it is quite common for couples to unintentionally project frustrations on to their partner.
In addition to stress, there are many logistics to coordinate with travel, which involves planning beforehand and also communicating. Couples frequently experience hardships with communication and teamwork regarding day-to-day aspects of life like household responsibilities, love languages (more on this below), and more. Traveling tends to highlight a couple’s weaker points in communication and we often see that the typical patterns of ineffective communication and the relational roles become more apparent. For example, it is quite common for one partner to be more of a planning type, while the other more laid back in nature. While this can provide great balance in a relationship, it also has the potential to evolve into a “blame game” if one partner is left feeling more responsible for the travel plans and agenda or if each partner has different expectations of travel. This is especially true if unexpected aspects of travel go wrong. Furthermore, due to the fact that partners in relationships take on different roles or characteristics, it is quite common for assumptions to be made when it comes to travel.
If things go wrong during travel plans, or natural stressors arise, it is typical for couples to veer away from a team mentality and to turn against each other as stressors arise.
Comments like “you always” and “you never” are phrases that are not only inaccurate but are also accusatory. For this reason it is crucial to communicate about the travel plans and expectations as a team beforehand to prevent unmet expectations or unneeded arguments.
Logistics and travel itineraries are typically discussed between couples prior to takeoff, but one element of summer vacations that tends to be an insidious instigator of disagreements is the overall goal of the vacation. For example, perhaps one partner is primarily looking forward to the vacation as a means to finally get away from work demands, while the other partner anticipates a romantic getaway with the focus being on intimacy and connection. While both travel goals are attainable in the same getaway, failing to address these goals tends to weigh on a couple while traveling. When we think of summer vacation, obtaining a sense of connection and intimacy seems like it should be effortless due to the romantic scenery and exotic ambiance, however communicating love and affection to your partner in the way in which your partner prefers still takes work and effort, just like it does while spending time together back in your home city. Imagine this scenario: you are traveling with your honey to a foreign land where they don’t speak a language that you recognize. The person behind the counter wants to show you to your hotel room, but you have no idea what they are saying. While the intentions are well, the language barrier makes for a stressful and confusing experience. This is NOT how you hope to spend your time afar.
Just like this scenario, learning the language in which your partner expresses their love is crucial in forming intimacy, connection, and preventing communication breakdowns from taking place. Learning which Love Languages and forms of expressing fondness for your partner can take a regular vacation and transform it into a rejuvenating and intimacy inducing getaway for you and your partner when understood and applied. For more information on Love Languages pick up The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. This is the perfect novel for the plane ride to your retreat with your book!
Preparing for the relational aspects of travel are equally as important as remembering passports and the proper attire. For this reason, let’s take a look at the most effective tools to prevent, work through, and avoid these difficulties before they arise.
1 With travel comes stress.
It’s true that traveling is exciting and relaxing, but the long lines, lack of sleep, lengthy airplane rides, and various other elements can easily become stressful. Perhaps you misplace your ID or your luggage is delayed – while no one wishes for these instances to happen, the reality is that at times they do. Mentally prepare for these elements and recognize that some aspects of your travel will be stressful in order to prevent the impact of stress and displacing anger on your partner. If your baggage is delayed, for example, remember that your annoyance is a result of the airline company and not your partner. Try not to sweat the small stuff!
2. Your partner can’t read your mind.
Save the reading for the plan ride! Have a conversation about the expectations of your trip before you go. Perhaps one of you wants to sleep-in while the other is excited to chip away at the long itinerary planned, or one of you prefers a tightly planned agenda while the other prefers a more take-it-as-it-comes attitude. Both of these options are possible so long as you communicate beforehand. Have a conversation about how you want to spend your days is crucial when it comes to preventing miscommunication. Cover the basics in regards to your stay and have a dialog about sleep, food, accommodation(s), itinerary, pace, and expectations of the trip before you go so that you can work to find a compromise. Have fun with this! Be creative and think outside of the box. This may mean that you have to prioritize some of the top sightseeing locations, divide parts of the day for different activities, research restaurants beforehand, or spend some part of the day taking some time apart.
3. Technology mindfulness.
It’s true that you are on vacation, but many of life’s stressors are not. Whether you find yourself preoccupied with work, the kids back at home, or the endless notifications your phone reminds you of, go into your vacation with intention. Have a conversation with your partner before you go about what your goals are in regarding technology and to stick to your goals! If you find it necessary to check work emails or keep in touch with those back home, try to do so with intention – perhaps this means to give yourself 30 minutes of “technology time” in the morning and evening, for example. Remember that this is a time for you and your loved one to disconnect, enjoy your surroundings, and connect with one another. Your phone, emails, and work will be eager to greet you upon your arrival back home.
4. Now is not the time.
Chances are, you hope to spend your vacation enjoying one another and the beautiful destination place. Although your vacation may mean that you finally have some uninterrupted time with your partner, this does not mean it’s the best time to bring up ongoing issues or disagreements – try to resist this urge! Your disagreements will be waiting for you as you return home so discussing serious and heavy topics during your vacation is one way to have a fun filled trip and turn it into a dreadful nightmare. If it feels like there is an issue you need to talk about, try to discuss the issue before you leave and agree to come back to the issue once you return.
5. A vacation from vacation.
Spending 24/7 with anyone, let alone your loved one, is bound to stir up some friction. Setting aside some alone time during your vacation is not only rejuvenating, but it also provides a pep-in-your-step for the days to come. Taking some time to yourself doesn’t mean spending hours upon hours apart, but carving out a simple 20-30 minute solo-activity, like taking a walk along the beach, reading your favorite novel before bed, or going on an afternoon jog, are simple measures you can take to prevent unwelcome annoyances with one another before they happen.
Going on vacation with your loved one has the potential to be a new exciting adventure, make lasting memories, and bring you closer to one another. By engaging in these activities before and during your vacation, you have set the stage for a much more realistic, meaningful, and enjoyable experience with your honey.
Bon voyage!
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Using the Cognitive Triangle to Combat Anxiety and Depression
Feelings of anxiety and depression are an experience that nearly all human beings share. Whether it results from the pressure of society to “succeed,” a desire to please others, family/relationship stressors, or pressure from work/school, both anxiety and depression can create a debilitating experience within our bodies that often prevent us from acting as our highest-functioning self.
The cognitive-behavioral theoretical approach is one form of therapy commonly utilized to address symptoms of anxiety/depression. This short blog will attempt to provide a simple understanding of the tool called “The Cognitive Triangle.” In addition to the description itself, a few helpful interventions focusing on each point of the triangle will be provided.
The main concept of the triangle is that self-awareness and metacognition (the ability to think about one’s thoughts) are the key to begin to manage those thoughts, feelings and resulting behaviors that often times feel out of our control.
The three points of the triangle:
The top of the triangle is labelled as our “thoughts.”
We commonly have thoughts that are on autopilot—those thoughts that are easy to reach for because they repeat frequently, such as self-criticism we have had today, yesterday, the day before that, the one prior to that, etc. Without awareness of those thoughts, however, and more importantly the themes that exist within them (i.e. self-criticism, a tendency to catastrophize, etc.), it can be extremely difficult to realize they are there and to interrupt them. One way to do this is to bring attention to those themes.
One helpful exercise to attempt is to write down all of the negative thoughts had within a day, and later work to categorize those thoughts within this list and begin to recognize patterns.
Listed below are 10 categories into which our thoughts can commonly be categorized (Source: Burns, David D., MD. 1989. The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: William Morrow and Company):
- ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
- OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
- MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.
- DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way, you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
- JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion
- MIND READING: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
- FORTUNE TELLING: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
- MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
- EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
- SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn’t, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequences are guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
- LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself. “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him” “He’s a damn louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
- PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.”
The second point on the triangle is labelled as our “emotions.”
Emotions can be distinguished from thoughts because they will take the form of one word. If I say, for example, “I feel like you don’t care,” that is actually a thought. If I say, “I feel sad (because the thought that is creeping in that you don’t care),” the sadness is, in fact, the emotion.
It is common to be able to identify one or two emotions relatively easily. Very often, the go-to emotion is anger.
That makes sense, as it is somewhat accepted by society and perceived as a less vulnerable emotion. If one can dig a bit deeper than the surface anger, however, it might encourage an entirely different reaction. If I recognize, for example, that each time I experience anger, the underlying emotion is actually disappointment, sadness, or hurt, that will create a hugely different behavioral reaction than the one that comes out of the perception that the emotion is simply anger.
One exercise to begin to work on this point of the triangle is to begin to explore underlying emotions.
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The first step is to increase your emotional vocabulary. Take time to brainstorm all of the emotions that you are able to. Remember, emotions take the form of one word.
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After an emotionally triggering event, write down the first emotion that comes to mind.
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Begin to explore those emotions that lie below the surface of the initially identified emotion. You can ask yourself, for example, “when I feel angry, I feel…” Repeat this process until you have identified at least three underlying emotions.
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Recognize the shift in your emotional state, your thoughts, as well as what you end up doing with the simple recognition of what is underneath the initially identified emotion. You will probably find it easier to manage/communicate in a completely different way.
The third point on the triangle is labelled “behaviors.”
Those behaviors are of course dependent on both our cognitions, as well as our emotions.
When we are able to change our thoughts, our behaviors will naturally change.
When we are able to shift our emotions, our behaviors will also change. We can also, however, shift our emotions and our cognition by creating changes in our behaviors directly.
This can include forcing ourselves to exercise despite the lack of desire to do so, or, for example, attending a social event despite the anxiety experienced around groups of people, etc.
Breathing exercises can also be useful in creating a shift in anxiety or other emotional states. One such exercise is as follows:
THREE PART YOGIC BREATH
Steps:
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Place your right hand on your abdomen and your left hand on your chest.
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First, breathe slowly and deeply into your abdomen, inflating it like a balloon.
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Then, feel your chest rise up as you inhale into your chest.
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Feel your upper chest rise as your lungs inflate fully all the way up to the clavicle (bone underneath your neck).
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Exhale, squeezing your abdomen in first, then your chest. Make sure to squeeze all of the air out to create more space for clean air on the next inhalation.
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Repeat the breath 10 times.
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Close your eyes and feel your body relaxing from your toes to the top of your head.
Overall, we can be more in control of thoughts and feelings if we are aware of what underlies them. Those processes about which we are aware, we can control. By working on any of the three points on the cognitive triangle—thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, you will have an impact on all of the other points naturally. Anxiety and depression can feel uncontrollable and hopeless at times, however, with the utilization of these tools, one can regain that sense of control and hope and create the capacity to be one’s best self.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Mindfulness para cuidar de nosotros mismos
El self es el autoconcepto que tenemos sobre nosotros mismos, cómo pensamos que somos, qué mensajes nos mandamos y por supuesto está altamente relacionado no solo con nuestro estado de ánimo sino también con nuestra salud mental.
Múltiples cosas que realizamos están orientadas a equilibrar o a “cuidar” ese self. Incluso el modelo del profesor Richard Bentall plantea y evidencia que la autoestima implícita se ha identificado también como un proceso que nos puede ayudar a entender mejor el delirio persecutorio, es decir, la paranoia, el síntoma más común de la psicopatología mental severa (Bentall et al., 2008; Fowler et al., 2006).
Bentall y cols. (2001) plantean que los pacientes con paranoia tratan de evitar creencias negativas sobre uno mismo asumiendo que los fracasos en su vida son causados intencionadamente por las acciones de otras personas llamando así a este modelo el modelo del sesgo-auto sirviente.
Así probablemente a muchos de nosotros mientras leemos esto nos vengan a la mente un gran número de conductas que realizamos o de pensamientos orientados a cuidar ese “self”. Estos mensajes que nos enviamos pueden ser positivos para nuestras vidas o no serlo tanto.
Por ejemplo, si queremos cuidarnos del sentimiento de haber fallado podemos tender a culpar a otros, a la suerte o al contexto, algo similar ocurre con conductas típicas de los celos, la alimentación inconsciente, las relaciones negativas con los otros… todos tratan de calmarnos y darnos sensación de control a corto plazo a pesar de perjudicarnos a largo plazo, es decir, en nuestra auténtica trayectoria vital.
Entonces…¿cómo cuidar ese self? ¿cómo mejorarlo y hacerlo más fuerte y positivo?
Los 3 pasos del Mindfulness tal vez puedan ayudarnos con esto:
Cultivar la conciencia y la capacidad de estar en el momento presente.
Obviamente todos sabemos donde estamos física y temporalmente, pero ¿cuántas veces hemos vivido en nuestros pensamientos en lugar de en el momento presente? ¿cuántas veces hemos “desconectado” de lo que está ocurriendo aquí y ahora para estar centrados en una preocupación acerca del pasado o del futuro?
MINDFULNESSS, ese término tan popular últimamente no es otra cosa que cultivar la capacidad de vivir en el aquí y ahora, tomando conciencia de todo lo que viene a mi cabeza para “boicotear” esa presencia, reconocer esos pensamientos y emociones y desde la aceptación y la amabilidad (ya que todo humano se distrae con preocupaciones sobre el pasado o el futuro) y finalmente volver a llevar la atención a ese momento presente, sea como sea, sin juzgar.
Self-compassion o la cuidar de nosotros mismos.
Ya hemos reconocido los pensamientos que vienen a nuestra mente para sacarnos del momento presente y también somos conscientes de su naturaleza, especialmente de cuando son pensamientos y emociones difíciles y dolorosos.
Debemos cuidar de esas emociones difíciles, porque cuando las cuidamos nos cuidamos a nosotros mismos, pero no desde un punto de vista paternalista, como dice Kristin Neff (una de las creadoras del programa Mindfulness Self Compassion )Auto-Compasión no es victimismo y no es autoindulgencia porque el objetivo es totalmente contrario a fusionarnos con la emoción negativa o a comportarnos al estilo Bridget Jones: “estoy pasando una mala época asique voy a sentarme en el sofá todo el día a ver películas tristes y comer un litro de helado”. No es eso….el objetivo que persigue es el de hablarnos bien, cuidarnos y desde ahí impulsar un bienestar a largo plazo.
En ocasiones creemos que enviarnos mensajes duros y agresivos va a motivarnos, pero realmente la única utilidad que tienen es aumentar esos sentimientos negativos y desagradables.
Loving-Kindness, Amor y Amabilidad hacia los otros
Cuando somos capaces de vivir en el momento presente y de aceptar nuestras emociones y pensamientos y aprendemos no a cambiarlos sino a cambiar nuestra relación con ellos, entonces podemos realizar lo mismo hacia otras personas, somos capaces de aceptar defectos, controlar la impaciencia, controlar el feedback y disfrutar plenamente de la compañía de los otros, teniendo también hacia ellos una actitud de cariño, amabilidad y cuidado.
Barbara Fredickson, una de las psicólogas más influyentes según Forbes, demuestra en sus estudios que al cultivar esta capacidad de amor y amabilidad hacia otras personas aumentan diferentes marcadores de salud, incluso asociados con la longevidad (Fredickson, 2015).
Así que…anímate a estar presente, ser amable contigo mismo y con otras personas y vivirás MÁS Y MEJOR!
Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching
Psychologist and Coach
Adults and couples
Languages: English and Spanish