Happy Holidays! Is it all about the Presents?
Holidays, snow, decorated trees, family gatherings… and presents of course! It’s one of the loveliest times of the year, a picture many of us are familiar with.
We devote weeks to preparing, carefully planning the perfect, age-appropriate, intellectually stimulating, exciting, surprising, you-name-it gifts for our children. Unfortunately, the novelty soon wears off the best of presents, and all too quickly, with so many others to play with, many are forgotten.
So, how many toys should we really be giving our children?
Experts hesitate to put a number on the amount of toys children should have, however it is generally agreed that fewer toys are better than too many.
Through play children learn to interpret the world around them, enriching the development of their cognitive, emotional, social, and physical skills, and ultimately their well-being. An article published in 2017 in the journal, Infant Behaviour and Development states that “When given only four toys to play with, the children played with each for twice as long, thinking up more uses for each toy and lengthening and expanding their games, allowing for better focus to explore and play more creatively—qualities that benefit children in the long term”.
Children that have fewer toys to play with are obligated to use their imagination more. As a result, they are presented with the opportunity to look for and develop new skills and talents. Furthermore, when kids have too many toys, they give up too quickly on a toy that challenges them, replacing it instead with an easier option. In the process, they miss out on the opportunity to learn patience and determination. Those with fewer toys learn to take better care of their things, they also tend to spend more time reading, writing and creating.
Having fewer toys sets the tone for healthier habits, as children who enjoy an abundance of possessions give less value to the things they have and also tend to be less inclined to share.
The Holidays present an opportunity to spend quality time with family
Kathy Sylva, a professor of educational psychology at Oxford University studied 3,000 children from the ages of three to five and found that “those children with fewer toys, whose parents spend more time interacting with them, surpass kids with greater means for personal computers, video games etc., in several areas of emotional and social development.” The reality is that the positive effects a parent’s direct engagement seems to beat any toy or screen.
Happiness is derived from experiences, not things - let’s spend more time playing with our children!
Researchers from Cornell University found that, “People are more grateful, and even more generous, when they enjoy experiences rather than material gifts”.
Experiences can be far more enriching for kids than toys can. So, let’s use the money we might have spent on extra toys for a trip to a theme park, a local market, the cinema to see their favourite movie, the zoo, the aquarium, or picnic in the park.
Memories of the experiences children enjoy last much longer than the excitement of the toys they receive during the holidays.
Happiness is derived from experiences, not things - let’s spend more time playing with our children!
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
How to encourage autonomy in my child
A fundamental part of growing for children is to achieve full autonomy. This encourages their sense of responsibility, self-confidence, willpower and self-discipline.
Autonomy is the ability to adhere to norms without external influence. When children can decide which rules will guide their behaviour, they are able to do what they think should be done. Moreover, children must develop their moral conscience and reasoning to promote, not only their autonomy, but also their freedom, willpower and self-esteem.
What happens when children are forced to be socially isolated?
Building up children’s responsibility is a fundamental part of the acquisition of autonomy. For that, children need to understand the impact their actions, assuming the consequences of those actions. The consequences of their actions are learned through experience, so it is important for children to be allowed to make decisions, mistakes and discover situations on their own.
They need to realise that they are the captains of their existence and become their own motivational moto.
Therefore, children who develop the ability to be responsible are those who are able to assess a given situation according to their own experience and what parents expect of them, in order to make an appropriate decision.
For children to achieve autonomy it is important to take into account the following:
- Parents must know the abilities of their children understanding what they are able to do according to their developmental stage.
- Parents must give their children freedom. Understanding that there is a continuous learning process.
- Children learn to automate processes by practicing, so it is necessary to give them enough time to learn those processes.
- Instructions should be simple, clear, concise and precise; leaving little space for them to misunderstand what is asked of them.
- The consequences of the decision the child makes should be established at the same time as the instruction.
- Small efforts should be valued, even if the final goal has not been achieved. It is important to consider the effort that they have put in to achieving that goal. Behaviour should be shaped until they reach their goal.
- Setting an example is the best way for children to learn what is expected of them. Sometimes they do not know what they have to do, if their parents show them what to do, they can imitate that behaviour and perform as expected.
It is important, from a very young age, for children to be responsible for the things they do. For example, if they spill water or milk on the table, parents should give them a cloth so they can clean it up; when they are one year old they will do it with difficulty, but when they are three they could probably do it without leaving a drop on the table; they will also be more careful when drinking from a glass.
Another example is when they refuse to go out without their coat. Usually parents get pulled into an argument that ends with the child crying and the father or mother being angry. It is difficult for parents to let them make this decision and learn from their mistake. Which is why they should let them go out without their coat, at least one time, in order for them to feel the cold and understand the consequence of their decision. After that one time, as hard as it is for parents to do, the experience would be enough for the child to learn the relevant lesson.
According to their age there are some things that parents can let the child learn, to build up that autonomy, such as:
- Between three and six years of age children can begin to take responsibility for certain activities, such as dressing by themselves, picking up their toys, putting on shoes, brushing their teeth, going to the bathroom by themselves, helping to set the table, helping around the kitchen and eating by themselves. While the task is being automatised, it will surely take more time to carry it out for them than for their parents. However, it is important to be able to properly learn the task and this can only be achieved through practice. The parent’s role would is to supervise and shape the performance of the child, making the necessary corrections. Likewise, parents can support the child’s autonomy by letting the child make small decisions, such as choosing between two changes of clothes to go to the park, or choosing their afternoon snack, or what activity they want to do with dad or mom on the weekends. These small choices can become a way to negotiate with children to carry out tasks that are tedious or boring for them, such as tidying up after playtime.
- Between the ages of six and nine , parents should allow children to take responsibility for tasks such as preparing their backpack, taking a bath, keeping their room tidy, helping to prepare food, folding and tidying away their clothes, filling the dishwasher, writing down notes, taking care of their school supplies, taking care of their pet, setting and clearing the table alone, doing their homework, taking out the garbage. Therefore, parents should be willing to support their children to create appropriate habits. During these years it is fundamental to keep in mind that limits and rules should be very well established. The routines that have previously been created could be narrowed a bit more with the inclusion of academic duties. This is a time for children to understand that there are rules that can be negotiated and others that can’t. Parents must show firmness in their decisions without becoming authoritarian, explaining why a particular rule must be adhered to, what is the final goal pursued and the benefits that can be obtained by complying with that rule. It is also the time in which children need more motivation to carry out certain tasks. Which is why parents have to do as much as they can to make these activities as attractive and motivating as possible. Scheduling and dividing home chores for each member of the family could help to create a sense of responsibility, improving the relationship among family members.
- Between the ages of nine and twelve , once certain habits have been established, parents should increase the expectations on their children. Activities such as cleaning their room, making their bed, taking out the trash, writing down phone messages, making small purchases, organising and planning homework, preparing simple dishes, tidying the bathroom, helping to clean and keep the house in order, walking the dog, having a set of house keys, going out on their own, sleeping at a friend's house. During this stage children begin to demand more and more independence, parents go from being supervisors to being more of an observer. This does not mean that the rules have to change, they should always remain firm without falling into authoritarianism. An activity that can contribute to the autonomy of children is to assign a weekly allowance so they can learn how to manage finances. This allowance should not be very high, enough to buy some snack or sports cards or to save it to buy something more significant. So that parents can teach their children how to manage their money, the consequences of spending it all on a whim and the importance of saving.
- Between the ages twelve to sixteen , being an observer parent can be difficult to maintain, especially when their children become teenagers. The challenge of this stage is maintaining rules and limits, teenagers need to differentiate themselves from others, specially from their parents. At the same time, they have the necessity to recognise themselves in their own family history without dissolving their new found independence. Which is why parents must encourage at the same time as limiting their move towards independence, adapting the rules and limits to their age and individual characteristics. In order to do this, parents should listen to their children, take their opinions into consideration, explain why particular limits should be maintained and show confidence in their abilities and judgement. During this age parents should educate their children on freedom as a fundamental part of forming their self-respect which is the ability for adolescents to choose the best way to live their life. It is necessary to let them create their own criteria so they can choose and decide for themselves. By nurturing this, they develop the ability to consider the positive and negative consequences before making any decision.
To sum up, autonomy is a fundamental part of a child’s development, and parents must help build it as much as they can. It is fundamental that while parents promote their children independence, they also encourage their study, hygiene, sleep and food habits, by stimulating their commitment, generosity and self-confidence. Therefore, they should encourage the development of confidence and security in their children while allowing them to explore the world by learning a sense of duty and responsibility.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
Seven Ways to Encourage Reluctant Readers
Children learn to read at different rates and ages. But for some of them, this process is particularly slow and steady. Most of the time, this could be due to a lack of motivation. When this happens, kids are less likely to put the time and effort to improve it, which, unfortunately, leads to a cycle of poor reading skills and more frustration. And of course, less love for reading.
So how can we work on motivating a child? These could probably seem impossible at times, but it is easier than you may realize. Here are seven tips you can try to encourage good reading habits in your child:
- Set time for reading. Establish a reading time, even if it is only 10 minutes a day, as a regular short time of quality is better than an occasional long session. Along with this, you can also swap tv watching for an evening to read with them before bed.
- Provide an environment that encourages them to enjoy books — having a cozy, comfortable space for them to have their reading time is beneficial for building interest in books. But another critical factor is to have parents as role models. Because if you want your kids to enjoy reading for pleasure, what better way than showing them that you enjoy it too.
- Make it as fun as possible. Try not to present this as a chore as they will be less likely to improve. Instead, pick books they can relate to or books that feature topics they are already interested in or even help them discover new genres. Challenge them to make up fun voices as you read with them.
- Make sure the reading material is at your child’s reading level, as this is key to maintain your child’s motivation. However, if you want to try books with higher reading levels, once they’re comfortable reading, make sure they have plenty of illustrations and diagrams.
- Make it interactive. When reading, ask them questions about the story (characters, places in the story, what they think will happen next) and help them link themes in books with their own experiences. After that, you can also prompt them to retell the stories you’ve read together. Try to help them to remember the sequence of the story by giving them clues.
- Look for reading problems. Sometimes when a child struggles in reading on an ongoing basis without any improvement, it could be due to an underlying learning disability. This is why it is so important to keep your eye out for signs of reading problems so you can look for other solutions.
- Don’t forget to praise them for the little accomplishments.
Division of Speech Therapy
Speech Therapist
Children, adolescents and adults
Languages: English and Spanish
Academic Support Services
Sinews Academic support service or study coach, what is it exactly?
For many children and adolescents acquiring academic skills can be challenging. After a long day at school it may be hard for them to settle down to do homework or study for an exam and even more so if they cannot figure out where to start, if it takes considerable time and effort, or if they do not feel motivated. Moreover, for many parents who lack time, trying to help their children can be stressful and this may give rise to family arguments. To ensure that learning is not affecting the relationship between parent and child, a possible solution is for a professional to carry out support sessions at home or at school to help students improve their study skills, which will also benefit the situation at home.
When can support be necessary?
As well as helping children with diagnosed learning difficulties, such as Dyslexia or ADHD, learning support can also be useful when a child presents with low academic results compared to peers or expected grade level, as well as for students who need help in specific areas such as organising their time or developing study techniques.
In each case, the parents’ concerns are discussed beforehand. Whether there is a previously diagnosed specific learning difficulty, or if it is necessary to carry out a psycho-educational assessment at the centre, individualised goals are always set based on the child’s needs and observed difficulties.
Support Options
When these difficulties are mild or moderate, support can be carried out after school in a home-based setting. The goal is to use the academic content: homework and projects, exam preparation, working on comprehension and integration of information, etc. At the same time the students will be trained in study techniques so that they learn to study efficiently and independently in the future.
If difficulties are more noticeable and affect the child’s performance in a classroom setting, a support service can also be organised with prior consent from the school. This can help children within the autism spectrum, those who have language difficulties, attention issues, developmental delays, etc. In these cases, the professional will be focusing on carrying out classroom support, adapting to the school syllabus, helping the child in aspects the school considers necessary and coordinating with the child’s teachers.
Which skills are trained?
In order for the students to achieve their best academic performance, they will need to learn techniques related to some of the following aspects:
- La Organising study time, by using timers for example, learning to estimate and monitor how long each task takes.
- La Planning tasks, using an agenda or planner, dividing work into smaller and more achievable goals, learning to prioritise important task, etc.
- Development of cognitive and metacognitive strategies by encouraging reflection on the knowledge acquired and learning procedure, increasing awareness and responsibility for their own learning progress.
- Establishing goals together with the student and deciding on the best steps to be taken in order to achieve these. This will help increase the student’s motivation and self-esteem, overcoming any existing barriers or fears.
How long are the sessions?
As support goals are set in the mid- and long-term, allowing the child to gradually develop correct study habits so that they can work independently in the future, the sessions are usually carried out for the whole school year, although as each case is different the duration of the support may vary.
Regarding the length of the sessions, four hours are considered the minimum number of hours per week to be effective. These hours are divided in two hours on two different days. The professional will make sure the time for each task is established and it is also important to take breaks throughout the sessions, when the required tasks are completed.
Who carries out the sessions?
Sinews selects professionals from different areas related to education who have previous experience carrying out academic support. Therefore, these professionals not only have the necessary qualifications and knowledge but also work with professionalism and responsibility, obtaining a high percentage of success in the goals set for each child.
Monitoring progress
The professional will give parents regular feedback on the child’s progress, as well as providing a monthly written report with information regarding initial difficulties, goals that have been achieved, aspects which still need to be worked on and any further recommendations.
Which language should the support be in?
The language will be decided before starting the support sessions. Sessions can be carried out in English, in both English and Spanish or only in Spanish, depending on the child’s needs, taking into account the language of instruction at school and the languages spoken at home.
Other aspects
La Cooperation between the professional, the family and the school is a key factor in order to achieve the best results. If communication is fluid and the same goals are worked on in different contexts, the whole process will be more beneficial and objectives will be reached in a shorter time.
However, not all in life is studying! It is also important for children and adolescents to take part in fun activities not related to their studies during the week. Doing sports, dancing, playing a musical instrument, reading, or just having enough time for play and do things they enjoy is essential for their development.
Finally, it is important to mention that a support service does not replace clinical therapy sessions. Each case will be assessed individually and, if deemed necessary, psychology or speech and language therapy sessions in the centre will be recommended. Furthermore, the academic support service is not a private tutor or teacher for specific subjects either. For example, if a teenager has difficulties in one or two particular subjects, he will probably need a tutor only for those subjects. The role of the academic support professional is mainly that of a study coach who trains in strategies and study techniques.
For more information
If you think your child would benefit from receiving professional support, this link to our website will give you more information about the service and fees: https://www.sinews.es/es/ninos/apoyo-psicopedagogico or you can also contact on the telephone number 91 700 19 79.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
How to pack and unpack your emotional baggage when you are abroad - How to prepare yourself emotionally when going abroad.
Summer is the time to stop and disconnect from our routines, to take time to do what we want and reconnect with the people we love. For me it is also a time of reflection, of seeking inspiration in books, films, trips; to recharge batteries and get back on track with everything that is important. During the frantic pace of the work year it is easy to lose sight of our values and purposes. If you are also going to live abroad to study or work now is a good moment to think about how you are going to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
This year with the purpose of being more present with myself, without distractions, I walked the Way of St James during my holidays. In my opinion, preparing and starting the Way looks like the steps you have to take to live abroad. Before leaving it is good to pause and think what personal sense this time has for you. Then, while you are trying to adjust, identify what feelings you have and finally, take care of yourself emotionally according to what you are feeling: are you mentally exhausted? Do you feel alone?
First pause, take your time to think and disconnect from the routine. Traveling, and just by changing the environment can give you the ideal scenario to reflect: How have I felt this year? Have I carried out projects connected to my values and purposes? How do I feel about the changes I will experience in my life soon: moving out of the country, studying abroad, etc.? How am I preparing for my move to a new country?
When you are in what will be your new home, you will surely be very excited. You will often feel positive emotions (illusion, curiosity ...) and perhaps also some more difficult ones (confusion, fear ...). It may surprise you that you are feeling all these emotions at once or that your mood changes very quickly. These emotions can be normal in any adaptation process. In addition, the frantic pace of finding ourselves in a foreign country can deplete us physically and emotionally. Before reaching the burnout, point, take some time to prepare yourself mentally for the experience you are going to live.
Once you have stopped for a moment, ask yourself, what emotions am I feeling? Maybe you feel like on a roller coaster, you are enjoying a lot and suddenly, you feel sad and discouraged. You cannot explain why your emotions have changed so quickly. It is very common that you miss the people you love and feel that time passes very slowly and that you will not be able to endure until the end.
It is common that when we begin to find ourselves emotionally exhausted or with a bad mood, we also begin to deny that we are not emotionally in a good place and we may tend to isolate ourselves socially. It is a way to fight mentally with a reality that you did not expect. Remember, living abroad, sometimes feels as if you were on a surfboard: you do not choose the experiences that you are going to live, they only appear to you and if you have an open mind and are flexible, you will be able to surf the more difficult waves ... When the experiences we are living are not like your previous expectations and you begin to interpret everything in a pessimistic way, it is important to ask for help!
Finally, think of a plan to take care of yourself. Here are some ideas that usually help people who are living abroad:
- Create a social network abroad if you feel alone. It is generally easier to approach people who are in the same situation as you, like other university students. However, why not make friends with people from the local culture? A good strategy is to do activities that you normally enjoy and would normally do in your country. Language does not have to be an obstacle to, for example, join a dance class, a tapas workshop or a football team.
- Reconnect with those you love most if you miss your country , your family, partner and friends. Surely calling or writing can help you feel better. Learning to find the balance between being in touch with those you love and having time to make new friends will enrich you.
- Process your emotions through writing, photography or painting if you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. There are more kinesthetic people who express and understand their emotions better through physical activities such as dancing, yoga or sports. Having a personal space to stop and process what you are feeling is crucial to recharge batteries and continue with energy.
- Engage in activities that make you feel positive emotions if you feel like you are in a storm and you are not able to feel excited about anything you are living. It can help you to observe with distance, with perspective, what you are currently experiencing. Another powerful emotion that helps us relativize the difficult situations we live is gratitude. To do this, why don't you start your day thinking about three things (or people) for which you feel grateful? Doing something for the people you care about can be another way to reconnect with your positive emotions. Why don't you look for small souvenirs that you think someone you love might like? Surely they will feel very excited when they receive your gifts.
- Use your sense of humor. If things sometimes get difficult or you feel you are constantly making mistakes when you speak in the language you are learning, why don't you start making jokes with your blunders? I understand that it is not always easy to do it but it can certainly be a good way to make you feel better.
- Dare to do something new every day. Remember that being afraid of the unknown is normal and fear is a valid emotion. Life, like moving abroad, is full of inevitable changes. Only when we give up and stop trying to do things we want to just because they scare us, then fear can become stronger than us. Why don't you make a list of things that you feel like trying but scare you a bit or you feel ashamed? Rank them from least fearful one to the worst and start with the easiest. Gradually when you see that you manage to overcome your insecurities you will feel more fulfilled.
- Practice meditation and do relaxation and breathing exercises. If you feel that you are constantly nervous and overthinking everything you say, then learning to relax your body can definitely help you.
To make the most of your experience abroad, look for the support you need. If you usually take care of your physical and mental health when you are at home, why not do it as well when you are away?
I hope you are excited for "your Way" abroad!
Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching
Psychologist
Adults and adolescents
Languages: English and Spanish
How to alleviate PMS with nutrition
Bloating, terrible cramps, irritability, moodiness, strong cravings, fatigue, headaches or depression - these are only a few of the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (i.e. PMS) that up to 75% of women experience every month at the end of their menstrual cycle. But if you belong to the majority of women with these pesky symptoms, I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way… Indeed, PMS symptoms can be alleviated- voire eliminated altogether. In today’s article, I’ll share with you why PMS arises in your body and how you can ease any uncomfortable symptoms via a few lifestyle and dietary habit changes, which you can start implementing right away.
PMS - An Introduction:
I am sure you don’t need an introduction as to what PMS is; that being said, many of you might wonder why do some women experience PMS at all. Well the simple answer is: hormonal imbalance. You see as women, our bodies are extremely cyclical- meaning that all women’s bodies follow a certain cycle and rhythm during which our hormones, especially oestrogen and progesterone, and their concentration within our bodies change. This hormonal fluctuation happens every “month” or so in order for us to procreate. Say hello to your menstrual cycle.
What most women do not realize is that the menstrual cycle is actually comprised of 4 phases:
- The menses (aka your period)
- The follicular phase
- The ovulatory phase
- The luteal phase
This is important to know as your hormones levels will change in concentration depending on which phase of your cycle you are in. This is key because most women experience PMS symptoms when estrogen is too dominant within the body (i.e. when estrogen is very high and progesterone is low).
I hope I didn’t lose you yet... don’t worry, this will all make sense in a minute. So typically, PMS symptoms can be felt post-ovulation because it is after ovulation that estrogen tends to peak and drop. Normally, high estrogen levels within the body feel good as they are associated with great energy and happiness (serotonin often mimics estrogen). However, when estrogen levels are too high and then suddenly drop, that’s when most women may start to feel moody, depressed, lethargic, etc.
Depending on how well your body is able to adjust to these hormonal fluctuations, you may experience mild to excruciatingly painful PMS symptoms.
The good news is that you can remedy the situation via a few nutritional and lifestyle changes.
Here are five steps to alleviate PMS symptoms naturally:
- Clean up your diet
- Supplement your diet with specific vitamins & minerals
- Support your hormonal health with herbs
- Move your body well
- Manage your stress levels
1. Clean Up Your Diet
There are some foods which can help ease your PMS symptoms, while others may exacerbate them.Here are some of the foods I would recommend that you add to your daily diet (especially post-ovulation):
leafy greens, fiber-rich vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts, seeds, healthy fats and proteins such as eggs, avocado, fish, lean meat. When you eat a whole foods diet, you are giving your body a ton of beneficial nutrients, which help reduce PMS symptoms, namely: healthy fibers, magnesium, calcium, zinc, vitamin B6, B1, B2 and omega-3s.
And please make sure you also drink enough water to help your body flush out any excess toxins.
Now let’s talk about which foods, you should definitely avoid consuming as they aggravate PMS symptoms.
2. Supplement Your Diet
It’s always a good idea to add some supplements to your diet; especially if you are experiencing any sort of hormonal imbalances (which nutrition can help remedy). Here are some of the supplements I would recommend if you suffer from bothersome to extreme PMS:
- A good multivitamin
- Magnesium, calcium, zinc
- Vitamin B6
- EPA/DHA (aka omega 3s, your healthy fats)
- Probiotics (help with improved digestion & better absorption of nutrients)
3. Support Your Hormonal Health with Herbs
Just as some supplements can be of great use to ease PMS, so can certain herbs. Here are a few to try:
- Dandelion root (liver detox)
- Chasteberry fruit extract (balance out hormones & support hormonal function)
- Wild yam (Dioscorea villosa) and cramp bark (Viburum opulus) - regulate the cycle and relieve menstrual cramps
- Red clover (helps alleviate PMS symptoms)
4. Move Your Body
Moving your body regularly is primordial because when you move you help your body detox, you improve your digestive function, your mood and you help balance out your hormones. Aim for 30 minutes of exercise 4 to 5 times per week. Choose something that you love and know you will commit to doing regularly.
5. Manage Your Stress Levels
Managing your stress is part of any and all of my healing protocols with my clients. And that is because when you are stressed psychologically, your body also gets stressed physically. This can lead to internal inflammation of your joints/muscles/organs/cells, poor digestion, poor sleep, food sensitivities, hormonal imbalances, etc.
If you’ve been dealing with PMS symptoms, then reducing your levels of stress is critical. Try lessening your workload, doing some yoga, breathing techniques, meditation, carving out more “me-time” or taking a warm epsom salt bath.
And there you have it, these are just a few lifestyle and dietary changes that you can try implementing to alleviate your PMS symptoms. I hope you find them helpful.
Of course, if you need more in-depth information on the topic of hormonal health and nutrition, please stay tuned as I’d love to share more with you during our next Nutritional talk at Sinews. And if you need more personalized guidance in managing and improving your own hormonal health naturally, feel free to contact me (ssomian@sinews.es) or Sinews to book your first nutritional coaching session.
I look forward to meeting you at my next talk or in my office.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
First day at school
With the arrival of September, the time comes for children to return to school. Seasoned veterans of the back-to-school routine already know what awaits them after the summer. For some however, the experience is completely new, while others have observed older siblings wishing they could pass through the doors of knowledge, enjoying the same experiences as brothers or sisters. When it comes to teenagers, some start with a little less motivation, and others with a little bit more enthusiasm, but they are veterans with the first day of classes, they have been doing this for at least nine years, so they know perfectly well how it works.
However, everyone has something in common, the butterflies in their bellies which, no matter how much of a veteran you are, can appear on that first day of school. Many children hide it quite well, or the excitement of seeing teachers and friends again hides any anxiety they may feel about the adventures they will face in the new school year. However, the nerves are not only felt by children but also parents, who in many cases can unwittingly transmit their anguish to their children.
It is normal that doubts arise, such as:
Who will be their tutor ?
Will they do better this year in science?
With the new class groups, will they get along with new classmates
What if he or she has a bad time at school?
What if he or she doesn't get to grips with the maths?
What if a classmate hits him or her?
What if they’re given a lot of homework?
And the list goes on and on. This can overwhelm not only children but especially parents who place their full trust in the educational center to care for their most precious treasure.
So what can be done about the imminent situation of the first day of school?
- Many experts agree that, regardless of whether it is the first day of nursery, kindergarten, primary or secondary education, one of the golden rules in preparing for the transition from summer to back to school is to establish, at least a week before, the routine that is intended to be maintained during the school year. In this sense, it is imperative to establish bedtime and waketime; as well as mealtime, as close as possible to the one they will maintain during the academic year. It is also suggested that they are entertained with similar activities as the ones they will carry out during their school day. The aim of this is to make the return to the regular schools routine a little more gradual and easier.
- In the case of little ones who start kindergarten or preschool, parents can help with the transition by taking them to school beforehand, for them to familiarize themselves with the facilities. Ideally they should meet their teachers and even practice some activities with them. Tasks such as to how to paint or tell little stories, which will closely resemble what they will do inside the classroom, could be practiced at home.
- Another golden rule that contributes to fostering excitement aroundthe return to school is to allow children to participate throughout the planning of the new school year. Everyone still remembers visiting the bookstores to get the material for the new school year, or how fun it was to choose a trendy backpack. In this case, making children active participants in the purchase of school supplies, uniforms, and school enrollment, not only allows them to familiarize themselves with the idea of starting school but also encourages the excitement around the experiences they will have in the new school year. If this process is accompanied by positive anecdotes from either or both parents, it will be an unforgettable moment for the child.
- It is normal that on the first day, especially the little ones, shed a few tears. Parents should respect and normalize the feeling of anguish that the child may have when facing a new situation. Of course, they must arm themselves with the courage to be able to wave them goodbye at the door, avoiding as much as possible that the farewell is lengthened too much. When parents demonstrate the security they need, they will feel safer. Younger children receive emotional signals from parents, so they must transmit calm, tranquility and security to their children. Keeping a smile along with a happy disposition will give the child the courage to face this new situation.
- Most schools offer adaptation periods for all children, especially with the youngest ones, they are usually quite flexible. It is possible to negotiate to carry out this adaptation for small periods, extending the departure time a little more each day, until their absolute adaptation. Sometimes they also allow them to take an object to class, such as a stuffed animal or a blanket that accompanies them throughout the day and is an attachment figure. For this reason, it is always good to maintain open communication with the tutor who is the one who will guide how this adaptation will take place. The teachers of the educational centers are prepared to handle this process, so in case of doubt as to how it will be carried out, it is always good to consult with the expert, in this case, the teachers.
- Talking with your children about what will be done when at the end of the school day can contribute favorably with adaptation. First when events are anticipated it makes the unknown known, and second, it also gives them the certainty that the day at school has an expiration date which will allow them to meet again with mom and dad.
- When that first day of school ends, receiving them with a huge smile is the best reward you can give them. It is always important to provide words of support that praise the achievement of having stayed at school all day. Asking about what they did, showing interest and being surprised by the things they have learned during their hours away from their family environment, gives children motivation to return the next day with more new stories to tell. In the case of the less chatty, it may be advisable for parents to initiate the conversation, telling them a little about their workday, in this way parents model with their behavior what is expected of the child.
Be careful if after the first day of school there is a clear rejection of the school environment. It can be manifested by violent opposition, big tantrums, headaches or stomach aches, vomiting or diarrhea, these symptoms disappear completely when the child doesn’t go to school or when they are withdrawn from the school environment.
In those cases, it is important to detect what is happening inside the center. If the situation persists, you can consult an expert like a psychologist or approach the counselling department of the school who can advise you of what should be done in these cases.
Each child is different, therefore, you have to be patient and persistent during the adaptation process, allowing children to adapt to the unfamiliar situation by motivating them in every possible way. Constant communication with the school for keeping tabs on how the adaptation is going is the key to this transition being made successfully, providing vital information that calms the anxiety that any parent can feel before the new experience. Likewise, the smile on your children's faces after the storm passes, when they have become familiar with the environment and have established relationships with their peers, are the best indicators that the test has been passed and that they are in for nine months of unforgettable moments.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
¿Qué es y para qué sirven las sesiones de “Study Coach” con universitarios?
Muchos estudiantes experimentan un cambio drástico a la hora de tener que enfrentarse a los estudios cuando ingresan en la Universidad. De repente, parece que es necesario ser totalmente autónomo y capaz a la hora de organizarse, tomar apuntes, seleccionar la información más importante, o ser capaz asimilar gran cantidad de información en poco tiempo.
A esto se unen otros factores asociados a la época universitaria como la elección de la carrera o la especialización, la combinación de obligaciones y ocio, etc. por lo que, se puede llegar a experimentar cierta tensión en esta etapa debido a que estas cuestiones pueden suponer una fuente de estrés importante. A todo esto, puede venir asociado el fracaso académico en algunos casos o sacar adelante los estudios en otros, pero con una gran carga emocional.
En numerosas ocasiones, las dificultades para alcanzar unos resultados académicos satisfactorios se encuentran en no tener un método de estudio eficaz. A esto se pueden sumar dificultades específicas relacionadas con trastornos de aprendizaje como Dislexia o Trastorno por Déficit de Atención, lo que, sin duda, puede añadir una complicación adicional. A largo de estos años, muchos estudiantes me han manifestado: “quiero estudiar y sacar buenas notas, pero no sé cómo hacerlo, no sé cómo estudiar”.
Cuando realizo una evaluación inicial de las estrategias que han venido usando a lo largo de su vida académica, muchos de ellos asegurar permanecer horas sentados estudiando, pero no logran sus objetivos. Otros, en cambio, aseguran que lo que más les cuesta, es comenzar, “ponerse a estudiar” o mantenerse durante un período de tiempo aceptable. La gran mayoría reconocen no tener ninguna estrategia para planificarse el tiempo y no utilizar técnicas de memorización, más allá de la mera lectura y repetición del texto que deben aprender.
Con el objetivo de ayudar a la población universitaria a poder sentirse mejor en este sentido durante estos importantes años de transición, nace el llamado “Study Coach”. Los objetivos esenciales que se persiguen en estas sesiones son varios, siendo para mí prioritarios los siguientes tres:
- El conocimiento que se tiene sobre el funcionamiento cognitivo, poniendo el foco en: el lenguaje, la memoria, la atención. Capacidades que considero básicas a la hora de afrontar cualquier tipo de aprendizaje. Contra más sepas sobre las habilidades que se deben poner en marcha cuando se intenta asimilar información nueva, más capacidad de control tendrás sobre las mismas.
- El conocimiento que se tiene sobre uno mismo y qué tipo de estudiante se es. Es decir, cuál es la forma en la que cada uno aprende mejor. A este respecto, existen personas que memorizan y recuerdan mejor información de tipo visual, y hay otras que son más hábiles con aquella información que reciben de manera auditiva. Encontrar qué tipo de “aprendiz” es cada uno facilitará enormemente el estudio. Así mismo, es esencial, identificar juntos qué estrategias están usando que no están siendo eficaces y deberían cambiar, estableciendo pequeños objetivos alcanzables.
- Encontrar herramientas para que el estudiante sea lo más autónomo posible a la hora de abordar los contenidos académicos. A este respecto es fundamental aprender a hacer “trabajar” al cerebro. Es decir, convertirse en un estudiante activo y no conformarse con ser un mero receptor de información.
And what should you try to avoid?
- Try not to put too much emphasis on the grades. It is the effort which needs to be rewarded. Sometimes the result is not as good as parents expect but this does not mean that your kids have not been working hard! There are many factors that can be influencing your kid’s grades.
- If you believe that the school is sending too much homework, talk to the teacher directly. Do not complain about it in front of your kids. Try to cooperate with the school as much as possible. Dialogue is crucial for understanding every point of view.
- It is also important not to overload your kids with too many activities. Sometimes they have whole afternoons full of extracurricular activities in addition to homework. Try to adapt them to their taste. And of course, your kids should not lose sleep hours because of these duties.
- Do not make homework the center of your family life. Remember they are children, they also need to play, spend fun time with you and relax, too. All of that will also contribute to a healthy development.
Estos tres puntos son los pilares fundamentales sobre los que giran las sesiones de “Study Coach” con las que yo trabajo.
Para hacer esto posible, Sinews cuenta con profesionales del ámbito de la Psicología y la Pedagogía, especialistas en población universitaria que pueden ayudar a que esta etapa sea lo más provechosa posible y a sacar el máximo rendimiento de las capacidades de los estudiantes.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy
When should I seek professional help?
Throughout our lifetime we live different experiences that change the way we behave; they change our routines and the way we conduct ourselves. This is especially true of negative experiences. Sometimes it’s the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, moving to another country or changing a job, or simply losing interest in the things we liked before without any apparent reason. All these situations affect us in different ways, and they can be accompanied by feelings such as anger, sadness, anxiety etc. When we do suffer one of these events, we need time to adjust and find ways of coping with those negative feelings. We also need to develop new routines and ways of doing the things we’ve done automatically until now, which takes time and energy. Sometimes it takes a long period of time before we develop these new routines, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, we’re left with the bad feelings for a long time and nothing seems to take it away or help. Once it becomes unbearable, either to us or to the people that are closest to us, and it starts affecting our daily life to the point where we are having difficulty functioning, we may need to seek psychological help.
This, of course, raises a question, why do we wait until the last moment to seek help? When should I ask for help? How do I know whether or not I need professional aid? Psychological problems might not have indicators that are as easily recognizable as those of physical illness (cough’s, fever’s, pain etc.) so it can be difficult to know exactly when you should consider going to a professional. Here we’ll try and give a few clear guidelines as to when it might be time to get the input of a professional.
- Problems with your basic needs.
Humans are complex beings, and each person is a world, but a clear indicator that something could be going wrong is deterioration in our ability to fulfill our basic needs. If you’re having trouble with your sleep (getting to or maintaining it), appetite (loss or extreme urges), loss of energy, feeling the need to isolate yourself. - Experiencing situations that make us feel discomfort.
Having negative feelings, feelings that are uncomfortable, in multiple areas of your life. To the point where we start anticipating that we’re going to feel that way and find ways of avoiding the discomfort such as overindulging in alcohol, avoiding social situations, staying at home, running from something etc. - It’s taking too long.
Having bad experiences is part of life, we all feel sadness, stress, and anxiety sometimes. We can all have problems sleeping over a few consecutive nights, drinking a bit too much during dinner occasionally or days where we don’t feel like socializing and just want to stay in bed. All of these things are completely natural and don’t necessarily indicate a problem. However, when these behaviours becomes a habit, and remain present for weeks or even months, with no end in sight, we might be having a problem.
All that said, remember that deciding to begin therapy doesn’t have to be limited to the situation described above. Whether we want to improve our social skills or our relationships or some other area of our life, therapy can be the tool that will support us in achieving those goals.
Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching
Psychologist
Adults and adolescents
Languages: English, Spanish and Norwegian
Como incentivar a autonomía do meo filho
Uma parte fundamental do crescimento das crianças é promover a autonomia, o que fortalece seu senso de responsabilidade, autoconfiança, força de vontade e autodisciplina.
Autonomia é a capacidade de assumir normas sem influência externa. Quando uma criança decide a norma que irá guiar seu comportamento e qual não, ele é capaz de fazer o que acha que deve fazer. As crianças devem desenvolver sua consciência moral e raciocínio para promover a sua autonomia, mas também sua liberdade, força de vontade e autoestima.
Mas, ¿Como podemos ajudar as crianças a promover sua autonomia?
A responsabilidade é uma parte fundamental da aquisição de autonomia. As crianças precisam saber qual é o impacto de suas ações, assumindo as suas consequências. Esta responsabilidade é adquirida a partir da experiência, por isso é importante que possam tomar decisões, cometer erros e aprender com as situações que enfrentam.
Eles devem assumir que são os capitães de sua existência, tornando-se o motor motivacional de si mesmos.
Sempre em quanto desenvolvam a sua capacidade de serem responsáveis são capazes de avaliar uma determinada situação de acordo com sua própria experiência e o que os pais esperam dela, a fim de tomar uma decisão apropriada.
Para que as crianças alcancem autonomia, é importante ter em conta:
- Os pais devem conhecer as habilidades de seus filhos, e assim compreender o que eles são capazes de fazer de acordo com seu estágio evolucionário.
- Os pais devem dar liberdade a seus filhos, deixando-lhos cumprir com o processo contínuo de aprendizagem.
- Para que uma aprendizagem se torne automática, requer prática e tempo, por isso é necessário dar-lhes tempo suficiente para aprender.
- Para dar uma instrução, esta deve ser simples, clara, concisa e precisa, deixando pouco espaço para malos entendidos.
- As consequências sobre a decisão que a criança toma devem ser estabelecidas ao mesmo tempo que a instrução.
- Pequenos esforços devem ser valorizados, mesmo que o objetivo final não tenha sido alcançado. É importante levar em conta o esforço que as crianças têm usado, o comportamento pode ser moldado até atingir seu objetivo.
- Definir o exemplo é a melhor maneira para as crianças aprenderem o que se espera delas. Às vezes eles não sabem o que devem fazer, mas os pais dão o exemplo para que os filhos imitem o comportamento que se espera deles.
É importante que crianças desde muy pequenininhos sejam responsáveis pelas coisas que fazem. Por exemplo, se derramarem água ou leite na mesa, devem colher um pano para poder limpar a mesa. Talvez com um ano vão fazê-lo com dificuldade, mas com três anos pode ter a certeza de que a criança vai fazê-lo sem deixar uma gota na mesa, assim também serão mais cuidadosos quando queram beber do copo.
Outro exemplo é quando eles se recusam a sair com o casaco. Geralmente os pais ficam viciados em uma disputa que termina com a criança chorando e o pai zangado. Embora seja difícil, o pai tem que deixá-lo tomar sua decisão e aprender com seus erros. Portanto, devem deixa-lo sair sem o casaco uma vez para que passe frio e perceba a consequência da decisão que tomo.
Este será sem dúvida um aprendizagem definitivo.
- Entre as idades de três a seis anos, as crianças podem começar a assumir a responsabilidades como vestir-se, arrumar os brinquedos, colocar os sapatos, escovar os dentes, ir sozinho a casa de banho, ajudar a pôr a mesa, ajudar a cozinhar coisas simples, comer sozinho, entre outras coisas. Enquanto a tarefa é automatizada, certamente levará mais tempo para realizá-la do que para os pais, mas é importante ser capaz de automatizar essa atividade, isso só será alcançado através da prática. O papel dos pais deve ser supervisor e adequar a execução dessas tarefas, fazendo as correções precisas. Da mesma forma, os pais podem apoiar a sua autonomia deixando a criança tomar pequenas decisões, como escolher entre dois conjuntos de roupa para ir ao parque, ou escolher o lanche da tarde, ou que querem fazer no fim de semana com os pais. Essas pequenas escolhas podem se tornar uma maneira de negociar com a criança para realizar tarefas tediosas, como recolher os brinquedos.
- Entre as idades de seis e nove anos, os pais devem permitir que as crianças assumam a responsabilidade de preparar a sua mochila para escola, tomar banho sozinho, arrumar o seu quarto, ajudar a preparar uma comida, dobrar e colocar a sua roupa, encher a máquina lavar louça, cuidar do material escolar, cuidar do seu mascote, colocar e retirar a mesa sozinho, ajudar a tirar o lixo, entre outros. Os pais devem estar dispostos a apoiar seus filhos para criar hábitos apropriados. Durante esses anos, é vital ter em mente que os limites e normas devem estar bem estabelecidos. Igualmente, as crianças precisam entender que existem regras negociáveis, mas há outros que não podem ser discutidas. Os pais devem demostrar firmeza nas suas decisões sem se tornarem autoritários, explicando por que uma regra deve ser cumprida, qual é o objetivo perseguido e os benefícios que podem ser obtidos pelo cumprimento dessa regra. Provavelmente, é o momento em que mais motivação a criança precisa para realizar certas atividades, por isso os pais têm que tratar, tanto quanto lês seja possível, que a realização dessas atividades é atrativa para as crianças. Estabelecer um cronograma ou divisão de tarefas para cada membro da família ajuda a gerar um senso de responsabilidade que facilita a coexistência entre todos os membros.
- Entre as idades de nove e doze anos, uma vez que certos hábitos tenham sido estabelecidos, os pais devem aumentar a responsabilidade das crianças. Atividades como limpar seu quarto, fazer a cama, tirar o lixo, escrever mensagens de telefone, fazer pequenas compras, organizar e planejar o trabalho para escola, preparar pratos simples, arrumar a casa de banho, ajudar a limpar e ordenar a casa, passear o seu mascote, ter as chaves da casa, sair sozinho, ficar a dormir na casa de um amigo, entre outras coisas. Durante este estágio a criança começa a exigir cada vez mais independência, o papel dos pais passa de ser um supervisor para ser um observador. Isso não significa que as regras tenham que mudar, elas devem sempre permanecer firmes sem cair no autoritarismo. Uma atividade que pode contribuir para a autonomia nestas idades é alocar uma quantia semanal de dinheiro para que a criança possa economizar ou comprar o que quiser. Esta atribuição não deve ser muito alta o suficiente para comprar um doce ou poupalo para comprar algo mais significativo. Isto ensina as crianças a administrar o seu dinheiro, as consequências de gastar-lho tudo e a importância de poupar.
- Entre as idades de doze e dezasseis anos o papel observador dos pais às vezes pode ser difícil de manter, especialmente durante esse período em que as crianças se tornam adolescentes. O desafio das regras durante esse estágio é parte fundamental do processo de autonomia, os adolescentes precisam se diferenciar dos outros, especialmente de sua família, ao mesmo tempo em que precisam reconhecer se na sua própria história sem dissolver sua individualidade. Os pais devem promover e limitar os passos da independência dos adolescentes, adaptando-os à sua idade e caráter. Ele tem que ouvir a os filhos adolescentes, ter em conta as suas opiniões, explicar por que a regra deve ser mantida e dar-lhes um voto de confiança. Durante esta fase, os pais devem educá-los para a liberdade como parte fundamental da formação de sua dignidade, que é a capacidade dos adolescentes de escolher a melhor maneira de viver. É necessário infundir critérios para saber como escolher e decidir, é promover a capacidade de analisar as consequências positivas e negativas antes de tomar uma decisão.
A autonomia é uma parte fundamental do desenvolvimento da criança que depende do estágio evolutivo em que se encontrem. É de muito importante que, ao promover a independência dos pequenos, sejam estabelecidos hábitos relacionados aos estudos, higiene, sono e alimentação, assim como a sua capacidade de compromisso, generosidade e dignidade. Os pais devem transmitir confiança e segurança às crianças, permitindo-lhes explorar o mundo para aprender o senso de dever e responsabilidade.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy